Four years ago at the age of 40 I received the unexpected but wonderful news that I was pregnant and expecting a new arrival. Our baby had been a long time coming. Sadly our joy and elation was not to last and we lost our much longed for baby, who we named Grace Rose to a miscarriage several weeks into my pregnancy. The loss of Grace was utterly devastating and became a catalyst that changed my entire life, personally and professionally.
To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of Grace
If you knew me back then, you'd know I ran a social media consultancy called Scarletta Media. Talking about baby loss publicly was not on my radar. But life has a way of taking you down paths you could never envisage being on, doesn't it? And so after ten years being immersed in the world of social media and the Internet, last spring I let go of my Scarletta business and identity. It was time to start over as me, with a new business in my own name that encompassed not only my work and services, but also enabled me to use my own voice to grow, bloom and transform into the woman I am today.
Grace is and always will be my greatest teacher
Despite this much needed shift a significant thread remains between now and then which still sits at the heart and soul of my work and business today and it is this - to encourage my clients to show up with authenticity, to use their work, wisdom and voice for much needed change. To feel empowered as a woman in life and business and to be un-apologetically true to yourself so that you can show up with courage and conviction. I don't just advise my clients and community to do this, I live and breathe this too.
She has fire in her soul and Grace in her heart
Within my new book 'Living With Amazing Grace' I tell my own story, at times it makes difficult reading because what I write about is the truth. And the truth is that no-one really wants to discuss miscarriage or baby-loss or grief openly. It is shrouded in silence and secrecy because like so many other things in life it's dark and uncomfortable isn't it?
But the remarkable thing is that since we lost Grace and I began writing my book things finally started to shift. Now we talk more about emotional and mental health. Now we are more open to accepting people exactly as they are, despite their gender. Now we know we are all responsible for climate change. Now more parents-to-be are sharing their own stories of grief and heartache openly, because quite frankly we've had enough of trying to get through life alone and in silence. And now we know, as women we are not willing to be suppressed, belittled and ignored just for being women whether it's in the workplace or in society overall. We are awakening. But still there is more work to be done.
By Grace you made it here
And so my book is not entirely about our loss of Grace. Yes it is about grief and healing and how eventually I found my way back towards the light and my own 'new normal'. It's also about unexpected transformation following loss and how and why my perspective on life and my work shifted significantly after we lost Grace. I learnt what truly matters to me and let go of the rest. And I learnt to live with Grace - albeit on a very different path than I ever would have chosen. Now my own voice will no longer be silenced.
I decided to self-publish this book therefore I am also the one responsible for ensuring it reaches the people who need it most. So if you'd like to read it this is where you'll find it on Amazon it is published in a printed book and Kindle format. 'Living With Amazing Grace' was published on 7th October for an important reason - as this week is Baby Loss Awareness week, which takes place every year from 9th -15th October and aims to raise awareness about pregnancy and baby death globally. Throughout the week bereaved parents and their families and friends, unite with each other and others across the world to commemorate the lives of babies who died during pregnancy, at or soon after birth and in infancy.
It is also a collaboration between charities and organisations working together for change and tangible improvements in policy, research, bereavement care and support available for anyone affected by the death of a baby at any stage.
On the 15th October there is a global event the 'Wave of Light' where families across the world light a candle at 7pm local time this is in memory of all the babies who lit up our lives for such a short time. For the third year running my husband and I will of course be lighting our special candle for Grace.
My book has been three years in the making and I have shared snippets here and there whilst being immersed in my creative cave, so I'd like to thank you if you've taken the time to send me a message of support directly or via social media during this writing and publishing process. It is enormously appreciated as it is never easy to speak up. But it is necessary we find a way to speak the unspeakable if we want anything to change for the better.
And finally if you know someone who has or is experiencing baby loss or miscarriage do reach out to them. Talk to them. Ask them how they are coping. Try and show up in person. You can't fix anything but you can be there. We need each other now more than ever. Whatever you do don't let them suffer alone or in silence.
May you too live with love, gratitude and Grace.