Climbing Up The Ladder Of Success

We all have different wants and needs for our lives and businesses and what we class as success varies from person to person.

Success may look like keeping up appearances online and becoming a “social influencer” with thousands of followers on social media. It may look like a diary chock-a-block with clients. It may look like hitting your sales targets and being a six-figure business. Or it may mean being interviewed on TV or for a well known magazine. These are all fabulous achievements.

But we don’t all desire the same things.

Success is an inside job

On my Instagram feed I noticed another post with  “Here are my top ten secrets for success” and decided to scroll on. Sometimes I am curious about others ideas of success. But these days not so much because I have learnt to figure out my own.

As when you pay more attention to others definition of success and ignore the whispers of your own inner guidance it’s likely you’ll end up with a petite business that looks great from the outside looking in. 

But it doesn’t feel so good to you. 

You don’t feel successful so you keep moving the goal posts. Striving for more. Searching for fulfillment in the wrong places. And wondering why others appear to be successful and you’re not?

I met with a business woman who had been running her bridal dress shop for twenty years. With her vast experience her petite business was a thriving success. Sales had grown and increased year on year and thanks to word of mouth referrals and her diligent care and attention new custom came in easily.

From the outside looking in everything looked rosy. With plenty of cash rolling in and bride after bride coming through the door this was an established solid business. You could say a total success.

And yet on the inside she was unhappy and unfulfilled. Out of sorts and no longer in alignment with her true calling.

The level of success she had achieved was something others could only dream about. But it was no longer enough to sustain her. She’d fallen out of love with her petite business. Everything had become easy, comfortable and predictable and she longed for change.

This is the perfect time for a transformation. 

What lies beneath?

We’d been talking for a while and during our conversation I gently started to dig deeper and asked if there was anything else she wanted to do with her life and work? What did she feel strongly about? Was there anything that kept coming back to her?

She paused for a moment before speaking and then lent in close and whispered

“Well, what I’d really love to do is become a specialist supplier of boudoir lingerie.

But what would people think of me? I know my family would be embarrassed. I am proud of my reputation so what if people don’t like me doing this?

What if this is not as successful as my bridal business? I know I’ll feel a failure and I don’t think I can take the risk and start all over again or replicate the level of success I’ve had.”

She’d already talked herself out of it and decided it was a non-starter. But the idea wouldn’t go away.

I could immediately see that this made perfect sense for her to become a specialist in boudoir lingerie especially when she explained more about why she felt compelled to do so. 

Eventually she stopped whispering and began to reel off how passionate she felt about empowering women to feel beautiful in their own skin. Fed up of seeing her clients coming in and feeling bad about themselves she wanted to help change their perception and encourage more self acceptance.

As it didn’t seem to matter how beautiful they were to others, when they did not believe they were enough. Standing in front of the mirror in a beautiful gown they wouldn’t focus on how amazing they looked or see their inner beauty. All they honed in on were their perceived imperfections reflecting back at them.

She was so fired up and said

"I want this to change and know I can help them feel amazing in their own skin and look their best every day, not just on their wedding day. This is what I really want to do. But how?"

“It’s impossible, said pride. It’s risky said experience. It’s pointless said reason.
Give it a try whispered the heart.”

And there it was. 

We discovered something very special. 

Her big why.

Immediately I could see the magic of what she’d just said aloud. Her entire being sparkled and lit up with enthusiasm right in front of my eyes.

Here is a woman with a mission.

Her mission isn't about the dresses or the underwear. It is about how women feel about themselves. This is her soul-led calling.

The obstacles preventing her from taking action and transforming were believing she had to specialise in one business, when she could blend the two. And owning her big why. When she believed in the power of her work, she would no longer give a stuff or place any importance on what people around her may think. She had a job to do.

It was so obvious to me that there was a huge opportunity waiting for her. Nothing too drastic. All she needed to do to move forwards was to become a specialist in bridal gowns AND boudoir lingerie.  Not one or the other. For now blend the two. And if she wanted to let go of the bridal business later she could.

By listening to and acting on what was in her heart and soul, she could be the change that so many women need. Couldn’t she?

Turning the can'ts into can's

All she needed to do was ease in gently, test the market and see what interest there was. Tentatively own her why. Take it slowly and gain more confidence.

And it seemed by listening to herself it wasn't long before the transformation was able to gain momentum for her, the petite business and her clients.

Her definition of success is measured by seeing her brides dressed in all their glory. Empowering them to look and feel fabulous means her soul led work is more fulfilling and satisfying. And continued to grow, bloom and transform with another new addition, boudoir photography. 

“When you create a difference in someone’s life, you not only impact their life. You impact everyone influenced by them throughout their entire life time.
Go create waves.”

Her reputation survived and her clients felt amazing in their bridal dress AND boudoir undies.

And along with their photo images they have a daily reminder, just in case they ever forget that they are more than enough and beautiful inside and out. 

I’d call this a success all round, wouldn’t you?

So before you begin scrambling up someone else’s ladder of success, do make sure it feels in alignment with you and is going to take you precisely to where you want to go.

Looking for some guidance and support so you can grow, bloom and transform?

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There Is A Voice Within So I Write

There have been two constants that have sustained me throughout my life and are now entwined into my soul-led work and living brand. Writing and gardening. And yet it has taken a long time for me to recognise these two significant threads weaving their way in and out of my life and work since childhood.

Writing is my go to

Even if writing wasn’t within my existing job role or a need to for my business I know I will always continue to put pen to paper. Just because it's what I love to do. 

First and foremost I write for me. To articulate my thoughts and ideas. To process what I feel and see going on in the world around me and of course to share my stories.

Writing is like my therapy and it has seen me through some pretty dark days and back towards the light. You could say it’s a lifelong trusted friend that doesn’t speak out loud, but gently guides me forward to discover the answers I seek all from the words written on the page.

And now I can clearly see that my writing practice sustains all of me, in my day-to-day life and within my petite business. It isn't one or the other it is a blend of both.

Over the last few years I have worked on "Conscious Writing" a practice that typically starts with a meditation to slow everything down. For my writing practice this works brilliantly as I need peace and quiet to write. I cannot be in a busy cafe or have people around me. I cannot hear myself think if there is noise. Hence my office being referred to as my "Creative Cave". When I am in there I am not to be disturbed!

Following the meditation you're ready to tune in and listen to the voice within and clearly hear precisely what it is telling you and get it down on the page. You write what is there. Sometimes it can be a challenge to get it all down as it flows quickly. But usually writing this way means a few tweaks and then I am good to go. Rather than sitting at my desk and over thinking what to say.

I've also been fortunate to attend a workshop with Julia Cameron, author extraordinaire of the Artist Way and have diligently followed her guidance and advice ever since. 

With writing there can be a perception or belief that you’re not really a writer until you have a proper book deal from a publisher. Or until you see your printed book on the shelves in a book store. Or even until you’re a number one best seller on Amazon.

None of these things mean you are officially a writer

Let's put all of these beliefs to one side because if you decide to pick up your pen, write down your words in your notebook or type something on your screen you are a writer.

You don’t even have to share what you write with another person in order to claim the title. You just have to decide for yourself. I am a writer. I will write. 

I met someone recently who is about to graduate she has been studying for her English Literature degree and now is embarking on her new path as a bid writer. I said I also used to write bids and tender documents and I hated doing it at the time.

It didn’t feel at all creative. It felt stressful and mundane.

But putting together the bids was more significant than I ever could have realised at the time.

Not another boring question to answer....

Our bid team and I would traipse off to the board room (or should that be bored room!) for days on end locked away in front of a screen with me at the keyboard compiling our bid documents for big pitches. Bouncing around ideas, getting the words down and answering endless boring and repetitive questions. 

I wasn’t taken on to do bids, it wasn't officially my job and I distinctly recall my resistance to it. So much so another colleague and I had a to-do in the office about yet another bid that landed on my desk and was urgent. 

I’d had enough of endless bid documents and asked if someone else would do it?

He replied with “You’re the only one here in this office who can write. So let me know when it’s finished”?

Gah! Didn't he know I wasn't a writer and it wasn't part of my remit?!

Eventually I moved through the resistance

Writing became my friend, not foe.

Now I realise however much resistance I put up in doing the bid responses this enforced task was a thread, another significant step in my life that enabled me to practice writing something. I may not have enjoyed it at the time however it led me further along my writing path. 

When I left the bids and tenders behind I launched my first petite business with a blog. This meant I had to write something frequently and I would sit for hours writing and publish my posts. This was far more enjoyable and interesting and I could say whatever I wanted. Brilliant. More steps further down my writing path.

But I still didn’t consider for one moment that I was a writer. I just created blogs. With my own words. Maybe a blogger? Not yet officially a writer.

Even reflecting back on my childhood and school years I couldn’t recall excelling at anything in particular. I felt pretty average really. I know being sporty is still not my thing. I would get frustrated during my maths classes because why on earth do you need algebra in the real world?

But I loved to read. All the time. Roald Dahl and Enid Blyton were my childhood favourites. I also loved new notebooks and stationery. I still do. With sparkly pens and coloured pencils. And I even loved to scribble and write in them. Oh and funnily enough I still do this too. 

So a while ago when I was searching for my purpose and seeking answers about who I really am. I wondered what sustains me? What do I really love to do? What is the best form of self expression for me? 

It was challenging to say the least. Because it's hard to know yourself, sometimes you need outside helpers so I decided to ask my parents "Was there anything I enjoyed when at school, what did I love to do in my spare time?”

And they both said the same thing "You were always reading, writing and making up your own stories". I asked my sister. She said the same again. And added if someone was nasty they'd get written about in your stories. I might still do that......!

So this is how I discovered my writing thread. 

I dug out my old school reports to triple check this was true.  And there it was in black and white written on my school reports by my teachers "Melanie loves to write and tell her stories."

So I may have been rubbish at maths, not sporty at all, a bif iffy with science, but English Language and Literature well not so bad here. But I had forgotten all about my childhood pursuits because you do don't you? They remain buried and yet here was the significant thread. There all along, just waiting for me to rediscover it and acknowledge that yes I love to write.

Maybe now I will call myself a writer?

It has taken a long time for me to accept myself as a writer and to boldly claim this title. But now I will confidently state this within my bio's and elevator pitch. As I am more than one job title. And it is intentional that I bring all of me to my life, soul-led business and living brand, I want my tribe to feel like they know the real me and I will do so by writing and sharing here.

“You ask me why I spend my life writing? Do I find entertainment? Is it worthwhile? Above all does it pay? If not, then, is there a reason?
I write only because there is a voice within me.
That will not be stilled.

”

— Sylvia Plath

The signs and threads are there for us to see

It can be hard to recognise your own threads. Until they make themselves known loud and clear. They begin to gnaw away at you. You become restless. Agitated. Anxious. You know you’re meant to be doing something to sustain you, but what is it?

For me if I don't write I do feel a bit off. Antsy. Snappy. Like something is bugging me.

Ahh yes it's time for me to write. Because now I recognise the signs and hear the voice in my head that has something for me to say.

I cherish and nurture my writing thread and know I will continue to write until the end of my days. It sustains me in my entirety and is no longer about work or play it has become a combination of both. 

Our threads are unique and make us who we are. They create their own life long tapestry that enables us to eventually find clarity, purpose and meaning in our lives. Thread by thread.

And you can bring all of your threads together within your life and work too:

• Maybe yoga sustains you and you decide you want to teach others?

• Maybe you love looking after your skin and you decide you want to share this wisdom with others so you become a skin specialist for your work?

• Maybe you have learnt some important life lessons and you decide to create your petite business around sharing your own insights and knowledge to support others through this thing called life?

• Maybe you love to paint and instead of words your preference for your own self expression for life and your work is to share your own artistic creations?

The point is our threads are not all about just sustaining us OR our business.

They can when acknowledged and expressed, become what we are known for within our living brand AND sustain our entire being. Everything transforms for the better.

For me I know I intend to continue to show up with my words. Because there is a quiet voice within that has transformed my world so I will continue to write.

And as for the garden and beautiful flowers these remain another important thread and a story for another time.

Seeking more meaning and purpose in your life and soul-led work? Here's how we can work together.