Be The Change You Wish To See

Several years ago I wrote a blog post about it being the ideal time for women to rise, that the world was beginning to wake up to a new way of being. I for one could clearly see women finding their voices once more to speak out about the things that truly matter and needed to change for life and business.

At the time I had absolutely no idea of just how my life was about to implode and as a result my own voice would be required to speak up too.

Earlier this year I had a conversation with a TV producer to see whether or not I would be willing to participate in a new documentary about highlighting the impact of miscarriage.

Let us remember one book, one pen, one child and one teacher can change the world
— Malala Yousafzai

When faced with an important decision to make I usually follow my yes, no or maybe gut instinct and in this case it was an immediate yes.

But I knew this was going to be tough. I am used to being in front of the camera. I can talk for England about topics I feel passionately about. I know how to use my social platform as a force for good as best I can. And yet being in front of the camera talking about the loss of our precious baby Grace Rose was going to be my biggest challenge and test me to my core.

Despite my vulnerability often the overwhelming desire to do whatever I can eventually kicks in. My mission for my life and soul-led work has become more transparent. I now say yes to using my voice to speak out about what I feel must change. I say yes to sharing my input and feedback on new campaigns to help raise awareness. I say yes to fully showing up and offering support to others who’ve lost their babies too. And I’ll continue to do all of this and more even though sometimes I’d prefer to hide away under a rock and stay quiet.

Grace changes everything

You see my biggest transformation since losing Grace is that as a result I am willing to step up and be the change I wish to see in the world. And so these days I often find myself totally out of my comfort zone agreeing to do things that would be easier for me to say no to. But if I do find my courage and say yes maybe, just maybe my input or action will help someone else in their time of need?

A week or so before our filming date, I had a change of heart. I asked myself if I really wanted to do this? Do I really want to share my story openly on camera? Wouldn't it be easier to let someone else share theirs instead?

Because when you’re talking about an emotive subject like losing your baby there is still stigma. I know people who haven’t experienced a loss like ours would prefer it if I said nothing, got on with it and kept quiet. As sharing what happened often makes them feel uncomfortable. Yes, try living through it!

And I for one feel very angry about this response because the tragedy is that one in four couples experiences a miscarriage. Often multiple times. This continues to happen all over the world every single day. Even in the modern 21st century people are still suffering often alone and in silence. It wasn’t until we lost Grace that we fully understood and experienced this too.

So I know and believe that what we really need is more kindness, compassion and support to help us come to terms with the loss and trauma we've experienced not to be silent because it makes others feel a little more comfortable.

I am committed to doing whatever I can. As long as the hard conversations continue, change will come and I am actively and passionately involved in this shift.

Talking it over with my husband helped me find my courage and the clarity I needed to participate. I agreed to go along and be interviewed and headed off to a nearby hotel to meet with Vanessa and the crew.

The lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the obstacles in life and it’s suffering.
The mud speaks of the common ground that people share, no matter what our stations in life.
Whether we have it all, or have nothing we are all faced with the same obstacles sadness, loss, illness, dying and death. If we are to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one.
— Goldie Hawn
The Silent Loss of Miscarriage

There is plenty for me to say on miscarriage and grief as over the last couple of years since we lost Grace I have been writing my book and done a lot of research. As well as my own journey back towards  the light, I have been able to connect and make friends with many others who have experienced loss like us.

I know the power of collective voices when they come together and that all of our stories and babies matter.

The interview was tough going. Stirring up a lot of memories and emotions. More makeup was needed half way through but we got there in the end and I felt I had expressed exactly what I needed to. The documentary “The Silent Loss of Miscarriage” will air in the autumn.

Afterwards I felt completely emotionally drained so I headed home to spend some quiet time my husband. Reflecting and remembering my why and that I’d agreed to do this for Grace and us. As well as the other parents to-be who continue to suffer in silence. I hope and trust I have done my bit and us all proud.

Helping one person might not change the world. But it might change the world for one person.

One person cannot change the entire world but we can all do what we can.

I can talk about our story. I can share what helped me to grieve and heal. I can encourage others on where to go for the right support and advice. I can give my insights as to what I believe needs to change now and in the future. I will continue to help raise awareness. And I can be the change.

It's easy to sit back and believe someone else can speak up on our behalf. Someone else will make the necessary changes. Someone else will bravely share their story and that will be enough to see the change we wish to see.

But why not me? Why not you? Why should someone else do it on our behalf? 

Maybe you wonder whether or not you and you alone are able to make any impact?

Whether anyone else cares about what you have to say?

Whether or not anyone is interested and would listen?

The answer is always yes.

Somebody somewhere will always benefit. We can all go and hide under my rock if we choose to. But if something truly matters to you, you will choose to do something about it. You will do whatever you can. You will find a way forward.

Things are changing

And so as a result of our collective voices things are beginning to change for the better and gain momentum. People are now willing to have the tough conversations about all sorts of emotive subjects. We are learning about the benefits of opening up and sharing our stories. We understand more about the impact of loss on our emotional and mental health. We are seeing the positive impact of connection, community and support. And as a result people feel less isolated and alone.

So you see if you feel so strongly about something we can all be the change we wish to see in the world.

And recently the baby charity Tommy’s launched their new campaign Together for Change. This is another project that I’ve proudly contributed and given my input to. Maybe you know someone who needs to see this too?

If you are ready to be the change and give your inner voice some volume here's how we can work together to get your voice heard.