Trust your heart whispers they know the way

Is it safe to re-emerge online after the seasonal festivities?

Have all the “New Year, New You” platitudes gone away yet?

As another new year begins you may feel the pressure to get cracking, with your foot to the floor. Just because that is what is expected isn’t it?

But many of us are not huge fans of new year. Including me. The expectations. The pressure to know precisely what you want to do with the year ahead. The resolutions. The endless quotes and meme’s in circulation. It’s definitely a time to tune out for a while.

Will it be New Year, New You?

So with new year in mind during our Boxing Day dinner the family conversation turned to the BIG new year celebrations and we discussed who would be doing what. It seemed everyone in my family had somewhere exciting to go and would be going out-out, except for us. We were definitely staying in-in watching the telly-box.

And no doubt when the fireworks ended that would be it for me. I’d be off to bed by 12.15am. Grateful the big celebration was over until next year. ( I did and I was!) Times have changed when your parents are out partying until 2am!

Anyway, my sister went on to share with us how much she despises new year. “Why is it” she voiced “are we lead to believe that as soon as the clock strikes midnight and we bid farewell to the year gone by that everything will miraculously change and be so much better in the next one? Because you wake up the next day and everything is absolutely the same as before.”

I had to agree, life doesn’t really change overnight does it?

I piped up about how the annual calendar is a man made thing. Humans created it. It is only a point in time.

“So is that yet another thing to blame men for” said my husband.

Before the conversation turned into a row about what else we can “blame” the men for my Dad offered his nugget of wisdom and said “New Year is a time to reflect and celebrate”. Hooray, well said that, MAN!

Yes, the new year is a time to reflect and celebrate. Not beat ourselves up about all the things we failed to achieve in the year gone by. This is the time to celebrate everything we did feel was a success.

Even if it is to celebrate the very fact that you made it through another year, alive. When so many didn’t.

Even if there wasn’t big stuff to celebrate surely you can find a little something just to be grateful for?

Even if you haven’t got a clue what to do with this brand new year ahead. Why not simply celebrate where you are right now?

Last year saw some significant and very welcome transformations in my own world. Having spent several years in the wilderness of life. I had sought meaning. My purpose. And wondered what exactly my life was for and where was I heading. I had been in the void for quite some time. Eventually all the answers I needed arrived. In June. Not January. I put this down to more of divine timing, not a human schedule.

“The road not taken was not taken for a reason. Trust you are right where you need to be.”

Finally armed with my insights, I could re-emerge. So I did. I created my brand new petite business and the clarity, courage and conviction showed up in abundance and enabled me to show up as me and get out and about into the world again. It has been fabulous and so good for me to get my life and new business on track. This year feels a lot more positive already.

So this is something I feel totally worth celebrating. There are many other “achievements” I am proud of. Not solely for my work. I did what I intended. I survived. I thrived. And grew so much more than I ever envisaged I could.

But it didn’t all happen overnight. Or in January…..

Often you begin the day much as you ended the day before. But acknowledge the fresh new day. Every day. Look for the things that feel good today.

Reflecting on this I know I followed the breadcrumbs. Planted the seeds. Waited patiently. Waited some more. Trusting my path would eventually open up and reveal itself. Every step I took wasn’t neatly planned out. It was a bit haphazard at times. I used my intuition. I’d dabble with something. Ponder and then the next step would become clearer.

Slowly, slowly catchy monkey things gained momentum. I’d come across books I needed to read to inspire me. I’d find myself meeting and having conversations with significant people who helped me along. I’d suddenly see something online that would spark interest and lead me elsewhere. I took action sometimes unconsciously trusting my inner guidance and that I’d be heading where I needed to go. I asked a lot of questions. I made the investment in me and my own growth.

Live less out of habit and more with intention

And of course what also helped me grow, bloom and transform was to learn how to live and work intentionally. This has totally changed my life, my outlook and my business for the better. I focus on my intentions every single day. Not only on 1st January.

Even if I only do one thing I intend to every day, it’s something. A start. A new beginning. Progress is made and then transformation occurs. Things move and shift.

“It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without. And then fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Find the lessons. Trust the journey.”

— Marcandangel

As well as focusing on my own intentions I am also learning more and more about following the seasons and trusting natures lead. In January we are still immersed in Winter. Which is the ideal time to choose to hibernate. Retreat some more. Reflect and release. Before we are ready to re-emerge in the Spring.

It may feel like nothing is happening but when you look closely outside subtle changes are evolving. Buds are forming on the plants and trees. The branches appear dead but they are not. Everything is still. But working within. For now.

So what if instead of trying to solve your whole life you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow?

So as another new year begins maybe you are feeling the pressure to have your life and business sussed? That you have to push and strive before you’re ready. You don’t. Just give your attention to one thing at a time. Do whatever feels good. Even if it isn’t for your business, it’s for you. Trust you are exactly where you need to be right now.

I don’t relish this time of year. January and February can be tough months with the darker, shorter days a challenge. What is helping me is to make my own wellbeing a priority to see me through. I am embracing more heartfelt winter practices to help me navigate these darker months. It is my intention to ease into this year and take it slow and steady. Rather than placing unnecessary pressure on myself to race ahead.

And as this is a great time to release the old I have spent the last few days cleaning and clearing my office. Letting go of everything that no longer serves any purpose or brings any joy. Piles of paper work have been neatly filed or disposed of. Old business cards, leaflets and notebooks all gone. Books I’ve read and were sitting taking up space and collecting dust given to the charity shop. And there’s nothing like two bonfires to truly let stuff go.

Which means now my little box room office feels spacious and welcoming once more. The shelves are full of my treasures and trinkets. I’ve kept up my fairy lights to brighten up my day and I am using the scented candles that I’d once kept for best as soon as darkness falls.

And my lovely crystals including the ones I received for Christmas are all there gleaming together, catching my eye as they are now on full display so I can see them clearly. Tidy desk, tidy mind as they say.

I am wearing my nice Jo Malone perfume, even if I am working from home with nowhere to go. I am getting outside at least once a day to walk and do my steps. Little things all add up and help you feel better about yourself. And if I set out to do just one thing, often I find I do at least three more.

The hardest thing you’ll ever do is trust yourself

And I chose my word of the year. Trust.

Trusting myself, trusting in my work, trusting in others, the world at large and everything else I need to trust.

The funny thing is I’d already decided on my word and then my “Trust” heart caught my eye. It wasn’t hidden. It was on my desk all the time but I’d stopped paying it attention and couldn’t see it buried among all the clutter on my desk. But now with my lovely clear office space I can see it once more and trust this year is going to be amazing.

I trust it is for you too. Trust your heart whispers they know the way.

Happy New Year and if like me this isn’t your favourite time of year, trust the light will come.

All in good time.

Unsure what you intend to do with your life and petite business this year? Take a look at the brand new Transformational Mentoring Packages and let your transformation begin.

One small step one giant leap.

Being able to seek the right help can be a challenge for women we often try and manage alone and doing everything means we can get ourselves into a right old pickle, even to breaking point before we’d even consider finding anyone else to help us. We can be our own worst critics and believe we have to have it all sussed on our own.

Here comes the juggling act

One of the reasons I believe we are reluctant to get what we need when we need it is because we have been taught to become Super Women. From a young age we’ve been conditioned to be Juggling Queens whose role in life it seems is to keep everyone else happy and everything ticking over, even if it is at the detriment of our own happiness and well being.

“Trust yourself enough to let go, shift and uproot.
Give yourself permission to shed who you used to be.
You’re allowed to start over and find new ways to bloom into your best self.”

— Alex Elle

We are masters at juggling. Give us a task to do and we’ll fit it in somehow. Even if we have a ton of other things to do. We’ll say yes and juggle it all whether it’s for work, our businesses, families or homes. And even though we know we are worn out and doing too much juggling we won’t ask anyone else to help. Until we really have to.

Because what will others think of you if you do?

These days it seems you have to wear the busy, busy, busy badge of honour with pride as you’re the odd one out if you’re not juggling and oh-so busy. But in reality all this busyness does not do us or our petite businesses any good. Especially if you want to grow, bloom and transform. Something has to give and typically it ends up being your sanity and well-being. How do I know? Well let’s just say I’ve been there.

The Best Project You’ll Ever Work On Is YOU

One of the most memorable conversations I’ve had about getting the right support and achieving desired success was with an Olympic Coach. He shared some valuable insights as to how Olympic athletes train and prepare for their successful outcomes.

This conversation totally altered my perspective and beliefs on how I choose to seek the right help for my life and business. As it seems to be a very British trait that we really don’t like asking others for help. When asked we’ll say everything is wonderful. Even if it isn’t. Because we are Juggling Queens and the troopers who get on with what we have to and muddle through.

But muddling through and pretending you’re A-OK does not get you to where you want to be. It leaves you frazzled, burnt out, overwhelmed and eventually has a detrimental effect on you and your business.

But there is an alternative

Here are the nuggets of wisdom from the Olympians.

To be the very best they can be they get all the help they can.

Everything they need they actively seek out.

They feel absolutely no shame in asking for assistance.

They don’t beat themselves up for choosing to work with an expert coach who will improve their technique and approach.

They know they need the expertise of a dietician to ensure they are eating well and taking in exactly the right amount of nutrients to enhance their performance and energy levels.

They keep a physiotherapist on speed dial who will keep their bodies in optimum condition and free from pain.

They are willing to invest in themselves and do whatever it takes to be as successful as they can be.

They throw everything at it. In fact if they didn’t seek help or get the right team around them they know they are unlikely to achieve the results they desire.

Oh and the most important thing of all. They know, however woo-woo it may seem that meditation and keeping a positive mind-set is everything. So they diligently work on this too.

It would be laughable for an Olympian to believe even for a moment that they can perform at their very best single handed. It takes a tribe of support. They don’t see getting help as failure or weakness. It’s an absolute necessity.

“A champion is not defined by their wins but how they can recover when they fall.”

— Serena Williams

So if you are a Juggler why not follow the Olympians method instead?

Since I launched my new petite business in the Summer and am now “officially” a Mentor, I’ve been out and about talking to a lot of people. And what I’ve found fascinating is the reaction I get when others ask me what I do for a living. Being a Mentor for women in business gets an entirely different response than being a Social Media Stylist.

It seems that social media services are seen as more of a business necessity.

Whereas mentoring. Well that’s a nicety.

I wondered why this is the perception?

The conclusion I’ve reached is that we really don’t like owning up to be seen as investing in ourselves. It’s frivolous and comes way down the priority list. Especially when we believe we “should” be able to cope and manage alone.

But being willing and able to invest in ourselves means a remarkable thing happens. We grow. Rapidly. And so does our business.

Transformation is often about unlearning and then relearning

The last few years have seen me go through some big life trauma and plenty of transformation. And I know and have learnt that investing in programming your mind for success is a smart a move. Being willing to do the hard work to weed out the negative committee in our heads is another. Admitting that we have a support team around us to enable us to show up and do our best work shows strength. Not weakness. And demonstrating the fact that we are willing to invest in ourselves and our petite businesses means others are more likely to invest in us.

Here’s what I’ve invested in to support my own learning and growth:

Meditation - I’ve spent eight weeks learning about Mindfulness and Stress Reduction Techniques with the University of Massachusetts. This was hugely beneficial, changed my life and is now in my own toolbox and pot of wisdom to benefit me and my clients.

Being a Calmer Ambassador for a new initiative the Reignite Project - This is to support entrepreneurs with their health and well-being with the aim of preventing burnout in at least 600,000 entrepreneurs across the world by 2023. Again this insight and knowledge not only benefits me, it benefits my clients.

Hypnosis - has been marvelous at helping me overcome sub-conscious beliefs that were quite simply getting in the way of my progress. I highly recommend this.

Homeopathy - My homeopath helps me manage my energy levels and hormones to keep me healthy and functioning well.

And there are plenty of other magical helpers who I know I can call on as and when I need them.

Yes, you really are worth it

As a woman in business you may be willing to invest in external support services such as a Virtual Assistant, accountancy services, marketing and social media. But don’t forget the very best investment you can make is in YOU. Women who invest in themselves go further quickly. And without you there is no business.

What do you need to take the leap?

One small step, even if it is asking for help and being honest about where you’re at will lead to you being able to take giant leaps forward. So don’t be afraid to take the first step and begin the inner work on YOU.

Meanwhile

Recently I’ve been juggling too and my intention was to write and publish this post today. However, the juggles have arrived.

My neighbour asked me to let out his dogs. I’d run out of milk and needed something for our dinner. Which meant an unplanned trip out to the supermarket. I needed to make arrangements with a friend to plan our trip in to London tomorrow. Then I got a phone call from my husband asking me “if I have time” would I do some research into some iron gates we need at home. And there would be a delivery at lunchtime. I want to call my Mum. And as for my emails, well it’s now 16.43 and I haven’t opened or read any yet.

Hey ho, surely it must be tea time?!

So you see this juggling act is a continuous work in progress and repeatedly comes to us all.

Ready to say farewell to your Juggling Queen and hello to being more like an Olympian?

I’d love to help you. I am offering brand new “Let the Transformation Begin Sessions” Get in touch to book in a discovery call to find out more.

Society Says Yes Be Yourself. Just Not Like That.

Show and up and be yourself. Be authentic and speak your truth. As this is the only way to find and connect with your people. Except this is tricky when you’re not sure what your truth is. Who your people are. And where to find them.

No two people are the same. We experience life and business differently. We may agree on some things and not on others. We have different beliefs and values. And people will think nothing of telling you that they think you’re wrong if they don’t agree with you, especially on social media.

So it can put you off “speaking your truth”. You may retreat back to where it is safe and comfortable and just blend in with everyone else. Not choose to upset the apple cart. Say nothing just in case someone no longer likes you or wants to be in your social gang.

But we won’t change and improve the world if we retreat. Will we?

Some people will only love you if you fit into their box. Don’t be afraid to disappoint.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others.
Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others approval.
Because one accepts oneself, the world accepts him or her.”

— Lao Tzu

As soulful petite business owners it is not our job to try and convince others to go along with our way of thinking or being. It is also unrealistic to try to appeal or appease everyone. We have to find a way to keep ourselves centred. On message. And develop the ability to powerfully continue with our mission whilst navigating the naysayers.

If we want to be the change our job is to lead with our own wisdom. To share our own stories. To talk about the world as we see it. It may resonate with some and not with others. And this is all OK.

The best thing about speaking the truth is you don’t have to remember what you said.

As when you come from a place of clarity, confidence and conviction impostor syndrome dissipates. You don’t need external validation to approve of your truth. You feel comfortable in your own skin. Solid. Rooted and grounded. Unapologetically show up in your entirety. You naturally gravitate towards your people. And they miraculously find you. But in order to achieve this it definitely helps to do the inner work on knowing who you really are and what you stand for first.

Here’s a tale of two tribes One has suits

Not so long ago I was asked to be a speaker at two different networking meetings on the same day. The first one was a breakfast meeting. I don’t usually do these kind of meetings, as there is typically only one 6.30 in my day.

I had suspected the attendees were not likely to be my kind of people but I’d agreed to go along as a speaker as a friend had asked me to. I walked into the room and my audience were men in suits and various traders. Instantly I knew I had made a mistake. These people were not my people.

It came to my turn to speak and I stood up and began to talk. I was just warming up and in my flow when one of the group facilitators decided my time was up. She thanked me for my talk. But I hadn’t finished and the other facilitator was clearly embarrassed and encouraged me to continue. I wondered was it going that badly?

I laughed off the interruption, fortunately so did the other attendees. But inside I was mortified. If ever there was a time I’d wished I’d said no thanks for the opportunity and stayed in bed this was it.

The irony being they had asked me to come along to share my wisdom about connecting. Relationship building. Finding our tribes. My goodness I could see they weren’t mine.

I tried to regain some composure and wondered where was I as I’d completely lost my train of thought?

Indeed where was I and more to the point what was I doing here with these people? As it transpired I seemed to be speaking a foreign language, talking about things they clearly did not understand and all I could see was a group of men in suits staring blankly back at me.

There was absolutely no synergy between us. At all.

Have you ever felt like you’re in the wrong room with the wrong people?

You begin to shrink. To squirm. Dim your light. Play it small. Wish you were anywhere else but where you are in that moment.

And then the self doubt kicks in, you think maybe you really don’t have anything valuable to share. Because if you did surely these men in suits would not be staring at you in this way.

Eventually I wrapped up and took my seat. In what felt like an eternity the meeting came to an end. Finally I escaped and I couldn’t get out of there quick enough. I made a pledge to myself never to agree to speaking at a networking meeting like this again. Never. Ever.

As much as I’d have loved to go home and crawl under my duvet, especially as it was still blinking early, I couldn’t. I had to get myself together as I had another meeting to get to. Where I would be the key note speaker.

Accept both compliments and criticism. It takes both sun and rain for a flower to grow.

As I drove to the next venue, I tried to reconcile what had happened. Did I get it wrong? Was it something I said? My confidence had taken a battering and I no longer felt up to speaking. To anyone.

It is not easy to show up and be who you are is it? It is tricky to share your truth. It takes courage to stand up and state what you believe in, teach what you know and talk about how you see the world with others. They may not agree. They may not get you. They may not even like you at all. And this can be catastrophic. Disastrous even. As you may decide that you’re not cut out for this speaking lark and never “speak your truth” with anyone else again.

I made it to my next meeting. There were no men in suits. This group was all women. Lovely ladies. Ladies who in an instant made me feel very welcome and at ease. Things felt better immediately. I knew I was in the right room. I’d found my people. And what a different vibe this was.

In less than two hours I’d found myself back on my feet doing my thing, sharing my insights and wisdom with a group of receptive people. There were no blank faces staring at me. They asked questions. They were engaged. Interested. Keen to know more. There was a vibrant energy in the room. We were all buzzing. Even me. They were a lovely, lively group. I loved being with them. I felt so grateful that I’d said yes to this gig. Because in that moment I was back in my flow. My mojo and self-belief was restored.

I was back doing what I love best, sharing my “truth” and being me. Thank goodness for them. Because if I hadn’t had to show up at the second meeting I may never have spoken at another event again.

I don’t have anything against the men in suits. Or men at all in fact.

However, I have a pretty good idea of who my tribe is. When I consider my ideal client, I rarely consider demographics, job titles or business types. It’s about the person. The woman within. The one who when we speak something resonates and clicks between us. There is synergy. A spark. The connection. And this is what I spoke about at both events. It just seems the women I spoke to understood and got it immediately whereas the men in suits clearly didn’t.

The reality is before we attempt to speak our truth, we have to get to know ourselves better. Do the inner work. Learn more about ourselves. Who we really are. What we believe in and value. Only then can we show up with clarity, courage and conviction.

And if others don’t like us or what we have to say, we know it doesn’t really matter. It isn’t going to detract us from our mission and purpose. Because we have a job to do. And we’re committed, all in and unapologetically doing our thing. Regardless of whether we are liked or not.

Time to shake up the old school networking?

Recently whilst attending another networking meeting, I had a conversation with a lovely man. In a suit. He asked me about my work and invited me along to another group that he facilitated. There would be more men in suits. More corporate businessey types. Old school networkers. Predominately over the age of 50. Definitely not my kind of tribe. I could feel a big fat no coming on.

I politely declined. I’d been here before hadn’t I?

So I told him that I know who my tribe is and it’s unlikely I would resonate with his group. There is a place for everything isn’t there and I know this place isn’t mine.

He persisted and said “Please do come along, you’re a breath of fresh air and we need more people just like you to shake things up a bit and change how we network”.

Maybe I’ll consider it.

But only if they make a start by ditching the suits.............

Tune in to your truth. Live it. Breathe it. Beam it. Want to learn how let’s work together

The Conversation That Speaks From Soul To Soul

I often find myself out and about having seemingly random conversations with strangers. People will stop me in the street and ask for directions. They’ll ask me where to find something in a shop. They’ll stop and chat as they go for a walk with their dogs whilst I tidy the front garden.

Someone will make conversation on the Tube in London. Where the typical etiquette is not to make eye contact, let alone utter a word to another human being.

I’ve even flown back from Bordeaux to London and spent the entire flight having a fascinating chat, putting the world to rights with a lovely woman sitting next to me. Who apologised to my husband for keeping me talking. (He was fine with it as it gave him some peace for an hour or so.)

At networking meetings I tend to meet the people I am meant to meet. Magically we seem to gravitate towards like minded people. So conversations flow easily. Most of the time we aren’t even talking about business. We are getting to know each other better and choose to meet up again afterwards as we’ve run out of time and there’s more to discuss.

And now I see there is another thread throughout my life, I am a confidante. People tell me their inner most thoughts which means I am a trusted keeper of stories and secrets. I don’t ask them to share. It just happens. And these days more frequently.

Random conversations are powerful. Especially the heartfelt ones.

But the conversation isn’t always about others needing to offload. Sometimes someone I meet will share a nugget of wisdom that is precisely what I need to hear in the moment. They gift me an insight. A piece of wisdom. Share necessary guidance. Reaffirm something. They tell me something important that I need to hear so I know I am on the right track.

For some time I had been deliberating whether or not to create my own group for women. My idea had bubbled away for several years. It was about connection. Deeper conversation. Honesty. Encouragement. Collective growth. For women.

“There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you.
And there are others who will understand you without you speaking a word”

I held the vision of me standing in an unknown place, and one by one women would step forward and stand alongside me. We’d be collectively together.

This vision became a frequent visitor.

And yet, there were plenty of reasons why I didn’t pursue it further at the time. The concept wasn’t quite there. I struggled to find the right venue. I couldn’t fully articulate my ideas. I didn’t want to write a typical sales page. I had too much going on at home. And who would be interested anyway?

But still, I continued to wonder if other women out there were seeing and feeling what I was?

Did they see that even in this day and age women were still being overlooked?

Could they sense that something was beginning to shift?

That women were finding their their voices and were courageously beginning to speak out about the things that truly mattered?

Did they feel as strongly as I do about the women out there who have powerful gifts and valuable insights to share who are being ridiculed, ignored and suppressed?

I wasn’t so sure. So my frustration and the idea remained just that, an idea.

Last year an unexpected but significant conversation occurred in my local supermarket.

Unbeknownst to me I was about to meet someone very special in my local supermarket and have a conversation that would change how I went about my work and business.

Whilst standing in the queue an elderly man on a mobility scooter was in front of me. He paid for his shopping and made off to leave but accidentally hit the power on his scooter too hard. He ended up crashing into a bench located on the other side of the aisle.

We all laughed. (He was OK I really don’t just go around laughing at the misdemeanors of elderly men on their scooters!).

And the lovely check out lady said “You can have my L plates, as I have just passed my driving test”.

We laughed some more and fortunately he made it out of the shop unscathed.

I began to pack my shopping and said to her how brilliant it was that she’d passed her driving test and freedom beckoned.

Suddenly the conversation took a more serious tone.

She looked up at me and said “If only”.

With tears in her eyes she shared that she had spent the last eight years trying to learn how to drive. Now that she had passed her husband wouldn’t allow her to use the car. He didn’t want her to drive herself anywhere without him. He had to know exactly what she was doing and with whom at all times.

She went on to explain that in her culture you do not disobey your husband.

And yet here she was in a country surrounded by women with opportunities and their freedom. Why couldn’t she have the same?

In that moment I saw her. Really saw her. I could immediately sense what she was not saying aloud.

Something profound passed between us.

She continued to say that since moving to the UK she was more unhappy than she’d ever been. Because her freedom had been taken away. Before she moved here and married her husband she was free. And now she wasn’t.

This was not the life her mother had intended for her and she had decided it was too late to change. But she would do everything in her power to ensure her young daughter’s life would be very different than her own.

I nodded. I heard her. I understood. I felt her pain and anguish. And I wished her life was different too.

She asked me what I do. So I told her that I am fortunate to have my freedom. That I am able to work with brilliant women who have theirs too. Some have their own businesses. Many are on a powerful mission. Or they may use their voice to share their stories. Or they may even want to do something more meaningful but are not sure how. So I help them. To be the change that many of us desperately wish to see in our lifetime.

And what she said next has stayed with me ever since.

She told me that I must do everything I can to help the women around me. To embrace my freedom. To speak up on her behalf. To do what I can for those who for whatever reason cannot.

I promised her I would.

And I also told her that it is never too late for her to change her life for the better. She deserved to be happy. And she was just as entitled to her freedom, like me.

I left the shop and drove home with a heavy heart and tears. Because how could this still be happening to women in our lifetime?

But the sad truth is it is. And a lot more.

So I knew it was time for me to follow her advice. She had given me a powerful insight. I’d met her for a reason. And every time I go into the supermarket I look for her. But I have never seen her since.

If ever I needed a sign or a nudge or a monumental kick up the arse from the Universe. The powers that be. Whatever you choose to call it. THIS was it.

Instinctively I knew what I had to do. I had to get out of my own way and trust and believe that what I saw and felt, others did too. It was time for this idea of mine to become a reality.

So I created and launched the Social Collective.

The Social Collective came together following this heartfelt conversation with a brave woman who trusted me enough to tell me her story.

I am eternally grateful to her. And if I see her again, which I hope I do, I will tell her that because of her all of us within the Collective have since gone on to transform ourselves, our lives and our businesses. Who knows this domino effect may have transformed those around us and our tribes too?

I consciously created the Social Collective for women. Soulful women. Women on a mission. Women who know they are capable of more. Women who have their freedom of speech. Women who know they have something important to share. Women who want to serve. Women who want to empower others. Women who have something important to do. Women who are brave, courageous and sometimes afraid. Women who are willing to be vulnerable and share their stories in order to help others in their time of need. Women who are willing to readdress the balance between the masculine and feminine. Women who say we’ve had enough of being ignored, overlooked, suppressed and belittled. Women who are simply the change.

Why did I create it?

Because I can.

And I promised her I would. For her and her daughter. For me and for my beloved Grace. For my beautiful nieces. For all the women who are willing to be the change. And even more so for those around us who cannot be.

It’s for all of us.

Because things HAVE to change. Don’t they?

The Dalai Lama said that the world will be saved by the Western Woman.

I now realise this is not because we are the only ones with insightful wisdom or magical feminine powers. It’s because we may have more freedom than others.

We have the tools ready and waiting at our disposal. We can express our voices to speak our truth. We are stepping forward and rising so others can see and hear us.

But we have to choose. Are we in or out?

There are many reasons why I choose to work with soulful women. I will share more of my why’s another time.

But it is my intention to do whatever it takes to change the world for the women I meet and work with. I can show others how to leverage the internet and social media to raise awareness of a meaningful campaign. I can demonstrate and teach how to create and market a petite business that comes from the heart. I will continue to use my voice to tell stories that speak the truth. And I know and wholeheartedly believe that the time is now for us wonderful women to lead with our wisdom.

So this is just some of the work we do within the Social Collective.

“A circle of women may just be the most powerful force known to humanity. If you have one embrace it. If you need one, seek it. If you find one for the love of all that is good and holy, dive in. Hold on. Love it up.
Get naked. Let them see you. Let them hold you. Let your reluctant tears fall. Let yourself rise and love gentle. You will be changed. The very fabric of your being will be altered by this. If you allow it.
Please, please allow it. ”

— Jeanette LeBlanc

With all of my work we focus on you. The real woman within. We get re-acquainted and reconnect with her to understand what she is really here to do. And why.

So that’s you in your entirety. Not just your business. Not just you personally. Everything. Because you are the driving force. Without YOU nothing happens. Nothing changes.

And change and transformation is long overdue.

The Dad Driving School!

Saudi Arabia was the only country left in the world where women were not allowed to drive. That began to change in June 2018.

I relish my freedom and I was fortunate that my Dad taught me how to drive as soon as I could at 17. And he taught my Mum. And my sister. Because he wanted us to be independent and have our freedom.

Every weekend we’d head out in my Mum’s car. Me at the wheel driving up and down the hills. Practicing. They’d be cursing. Much telling off. Words of encouragement. A few near scrapes. However he persisted. With all of us. Until we passed.

He may have needed a stiff drink or several when we got home.

My Dad also taught my Great Auntie May who at the age of 63 sadly lost her husband. He left behind his car and so that she could have her freedom and retain some independence she decided rather than sell it she would learn to drive. So she did. This was in the 1970’s.

During the recent summer holidays my Mum and I took my niece Boo to see Mumma Mia at their local cinema. My Dad drove us into the nearby town where they live. On the way there we told Boo that this is where Grandad taught Nanny, Mummy and me to drive.

She asked me “Why did Grandad teach you?”

“Well” I said “He did this so we could be independent and have our freedom.”

And I will do everything in my power to ensure she has hers too.

Change is Inevitable. Growth is Intentional.

Within the shelves in my office are notebooks. Pretty notebooks. Scrappy notebooks. Small notebooks. Packs of notebooks. Too good to use notebooks. At a glance you can tell I am very happy with a nice new notebook. Or even several because they all serve a purpose eventually.

Buried within the well worn pages of my notebooks are reminders, important things inside that must not be forgotten. But often are.

I have always loved stationery. Notebooks and coloured pens are fabulous. Yes technology is brilliant and helpful too, I am partial to using Evernote when I feel super productive and efficient. But you cannot beat a lovely hand stitched notebook from Paperchase.

This year I made a decision about the notebooks, let’s call this an intention. I decided to change how I intend to use them. Because I’d have quotes in one, to-do’s in another, random ideas and creative downloads in another and I’d struggle to find all the good stuff I kept for a specific reason.

So whilst I love new notebooks, instead of buying several I decided to invest in one.

Fortunately, I didn’t need to venture too far as sitting on the shelf in my office was a lovely notebook with gorgeous birds and butterflies on the cover that my husband had purchased as a gift for me sometime ago. Waiting to be used. (He is very thoughtful with the gifts he buys, so I’ll mention it here just in case he reads this post!)

“You don’t always need a logical reason for doing everything in your life. Do it because you want to. Because it’s fun. Because it makes you happy.”

Back to the notebook. I’d been keeping this notebook for special purposes. And this seemed the perfect time to put it to good use.

You’ll have heard of vision boards, well this has become my very own vision book.

This beautiful notebook is the perfect size and was ready to be filled with all the quotes I love, little reminders to perk me up, magical moments that occurred during my day, actions I’ve taken, gorgeous images cut out from magazines that deeply resonate and not forgetting my own important intentions, actions and progress. Everything contained in one place where I can add to it quickly and easily as well as review and reflect. Perfect.

Fast forward to now and this magical book is something rather special. It’s no longer just a pretty notebook. This has become my anchor. It manages to remind me precisely what it is I intend to do with my own life and business.

When I drift off course, or the negative committee in my head tells me I haven’t done enough, or someone else would like me to put their intentions and priorities before my own. I pause for a moment. Pick up the notebook, flick through the pages and suddenly I return to a place of positivity. My mindset shifts. I feel inspired and encouraged. I reconnect with myself and focus once more.

And there is always an inner nudge that whispers “This is what YOU intend to do, remember?”

Ah yes. There it is. All of it together in one place so I don’t forget.

Every page has meaning. It helps me remain focused. It perks me up when I feel I am not making the progress I desire. It reminds me of how far I have come this year alone. And when I feel pulled in different directions in life, either of my own doing or by people around me I consciously come back to what I intended and crack on.

But as well as keeping me focused, productive and on track, this magical notebook has enabled miracles. The words and images have taken on a life of their own. To someone else my notebook may look meaningless. However to me it’s precious and full of meaning. Because during the first six months of the year something remarkable happened. One of my biggest transformations occurred. An epiphany of sorts.

I am not one for resolutions. Goals can be a bit tedious. But intentions are transformative. I knew this before, but I hadn’t quite realised just how powerful intentions can be.

When I began filling the pages I knew life would be a little easier. I’d find what I wanted quickly. But what I hadn’t envisaged was that over time, season by season and month by month as the content on the pages grew, something was beginning to bloom. To grow and transform right before my eyes.

The intentions became my reality.

It was quite a moment when I realised what I had “unintentionally” created. Because it was glaringly obvious when I could see everything together staring back at me from the carefully crafted pages.

As I have written about before, I knew that I had undergone another life transformation. I was ever-so ready to let go of past and my living brand itching to evolve into the new. But what and how?

Suddenly as if by magic all of the answers I had been seeking for a long time were right there. Beautifully contained within my magical notebook.

Everything that matters to me. What really lights me up.

This book is me. It’s who I’ve become. It’s who I am now.

My new petite business. My own living brand. My life.

And this is how I intend to show up and live my own magical life. It’s all here.

When I realised what I had created, I stepped outside into our sanctuary also known as our garden. I looked around and something clicked into place. It isn’t just my magical notebook that enabled me to grow, bloom and transform.

Our garden worked it’s magic on me too. Nurturing this neglected place, meant it also nurtured me. Bringing me gently back to life.

Over time I began to notice the beauty all around us. My life has taken a very different path than I’d ever intended. The change was inevitable. Suddenly the blinkers were off and I instinctively knew my work had to incorporate the wisdom of nature. And this was abundantly clear within my notebook.

This realisation meant finally I could connect the dots. I’d found the clarity I’d been seeking to create my new brand identity and website.

I locked myself away, along with my magical notebook and got to work.

The new web copy was written. My logo created and printed into fresh business cards. My new website lovingly designed, created and filled with my own words and images. Images that had been there all along waiting for me within my Instagram feed or sitting in files on my PC.

I deliberately chose to share what I had created with a couple of trusted friends who had walked my transformational path with me. They knew me well. They know who I am now. They also know just how far I have come. And their support and encouragement was invaluable. Because we all need those soul sisters who believe in you, when you are wobbling and wonder can I do this? Can I say that? Can I really show up and just be me?

Within the space of three weeks, the job was complete. I’d created and built everything and launched my new website. My new petite business emerged and bloomed. With me front and centre with a new identity in my own name and the flowers came too.

I’d like to say at this point it was painless. It wasn’t. It was blinkin’ hard work. Navigating change and transformation usually is. But still you dig deep and carry on.

But I knew I was right to trust my instincts. I’ve found my flow once more. I am aligned with my heart and soul. My patience has been rewarded. The transformation occurred.

It was time to go for it and emerge once more.

Everything about me and my work is intentional and often has a sentimental meaning behind it. Or at the very least a story to tell.

I don’t pretend to be something I am not with my brand. Or within my photos on Instagram. What you see is what you get. In reality too. And it may not be for everyone. But that’s the point. It is what it is. And I am what I am.

Someone said to me a few weeks ago “You’re different, I like that”.

Yes me too. I’ll take that as a lovely compliment. Because you can create a “social media show reel”. You can follow the crowd and do what everyone else does. You can bend and fit in to be liked online and off. But doing this means you are not being true to you. You’re replicating what someone else intended.

The flowers in my logo were deliberately chosen with care, the font with my name had to be changed from black to golden, to represent from the darkness into the light. The branches of wisdom blog is inspired by being among the branches of the many trees in our garden. We also have a big tree trunk that is perfect to sit on and tune in to some natural wisdom.

Everything, even right down to the image on my website and my business cards with the pink roses and me walking in the background is used consciously. Yes this is me. My husband took this photo whilst I was wandering around the gardens of a chateau I love in France. This place is special and close to where I used to live and work in my twenties. Only this was taken the summer I started my first petite business, when I felt a sense of freedom that has re-emerged once more with my new chapter.

I’ve come a full circle. Because my very first business also had a brand with flowers, pink and purple colours and a golden logo.

So when I refer to creating and establishing your own living brand, this is precisely what I mean.

And this is mine.

“Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.”

— Gerard De Nerval

When I received my new logo files I decided to send them to my sister to take a look at.

She emailed me back and said “Well, it’s very pretty Mel, but what do the flowers have to do with your work?”.

I must write down a reminder to show her my magical notebook sometime soon!

The Value Of Knowing Your Worth

Have you ever found yourself working with someone who you knew was far from your dream client? But you agreed to work them even though your inner voice was strongly advising you to say no.

Or what about finding yourself in a coffee shop having yet another “pick your brain” session giving away your free guidance and advice? But you know this person isn’t willing to pay the price for a 1-1 session to work with you instead.

Or maybe you’ve given away plentiful discounts and freebies to try to convince your new client that you are worth every penny? But ended up not earning enough and struggling to pay your bills.

I’ve found myself in these situations too.

Because there are many lessons to learn when you are a soulful petite business owner. One of them is knowing the value of your worth.

When you know your worth life becomes a lot easier. You find and connect with your dream clients with ease and flow. You are able to do your best work with confidence and conviction. You love your work and serve with joy. Knowing your worth is transformational for you and your business. You believe in yourself and have unwavering belief in the value you provide.

But doing the inner work is a continuous work in progress. Something we repeatedly have to pay attention to. This requires ongoing maintenance. You have to be vigilant. As sometimes we lose sight of our self value and it trips us up.

We may find ourselves saying yes. When we really mean no.

We may quickly sign on the dotted line. When we really need to read the small print.

We may willingly give away our power to others. When we really need to remember the importance of owning it instead.

As well as the inner work we have to be able to find ways to cope with the uncertainty. You rarely know where the next client will come from. So you could end up saying yes to everything that comes you way just in case this is your last one for a while.

Which means there will be times when you find yourself saying yes to potential clients who you know from the outset are the not the right fit. You know you are not in synergy. You’re definitely not on the same page. But you take on the work anyway. Your logical brain has found the way to trample all over your inner guidance.

As for me, I trust my inner radar. Most of the time. My radar is pretty good at looking after me and susses people out so that I know whether or not we are an ideal fit. Usually I take on new projects and clients based on feeling and instinct. If it feels good then I go for it. And if it doesn’t I’ll consider why not.

This approach has served me well. I have had the pleasure of working with some amazing soulful entrepreneurs over the years who I have thoroughly enjoyed working with and I hope they feel the same way too.

But sometimes despite all inner warnings These messages are ignored.

We don’t follow our instincts. And there are always consequences to follow.

Not so long ago I found myself working with a petite business who I knew from the outset was not an ideal fit. We were initially their clients as they did some work for us in our home. So being on the “receiving” end and me being their ideal client I knew how to market their business online and off.

My instincts were telling me to pass this one by. But I didn’t. Simply because it was a lucrative project that would tide me over financially for several months.

I knew I could help them and it had the potential to work out brilliantly. However, they were totally hands off and initially wanted me to just get on with the project on their behalf. This is not normally something I would agree to. But once again I carried on.

Maybe my instincts were wrong this time?

Maybe I could just do my best work and get through it unscathed?

So we ploughed ahead. I explained precisely what I do and how, and I was clear about what was included and what wasn’t. Everything was written down beautifully within the contract and terms and conditions.

They didn’t quibble about the price. Signed the agreement without reading it properly. Paid the money upfront and were keen for the work to begin as soon as.

Wonderful. A new client and big project woo hoo!

Except I could not shake the anxiety. Something had rattled me.

But I continued to make a start. Tried to keep everything on track. Provided regular detailed updates. Worked on managing their expectations. Made some great progress.

And as the weeks passed by it seemed no matter what progress was made. It wasn’t enough. They wanted something else. Something that was not on offer within my services. Which I did discuss at the outset. Maybe they hoped I would magically change my entire business model and offer what they really wanted all along?

Slowly my self-confidence and self-value began to slide. Chip away. The seeds of doubt growing in my mind. This was not working for any of us.

I knew my inner guidance had not failed me. The warnings were bang on. Because it wasn’t long before things took another turn for the worse. I’d find myself on the end of ranty phone calls. Receive stroppy emails in my inbox. Demanding to know exactly what they were paying me for?

If only they’d read the contract and taken a proper look at my website.

If only I’d trusted my instincts and said no, I don’t believe my services are what you’re really looking for.

Things would have worked out very differently, wouldn’t they? Hindsight is a wonderful thing. So is our intuition.

Don’t let someone who doesn’t know your value tell you how much your worth.

“Just because someone else doesn’t recognise or respect your value, does not mean you are worthy. Does not mean you are less than. Does not mean you and your wisdom and expertise are not enough.
You are great. You are good enough. More than enough. And you deserve to work with and serve the best. ”

— Melanie Mackie

Fortunately for me I had done enough work on my own self value to know that this was not going to continue. Clearly they needed to find an alternative service provider who did offer them what they really were looking for. And one who was willing to accept ranty phone calls and stroppy emails. Because I wasn’t.

I am not a pushover by any means. I don’t suffer fools. I do not take kindly to being berated. This is not something I will tolerate. I am not a soft touch and will stand my ground. Regardless, this was a tough lesson to navigate. And one I was very happy to let go of money or no money.

(Eventually it came to light, I discovered I was one of many “marketing” businesses who were never enough!)

I began to consider what am I paid for? So I grabbed my notebook.

I started to jot down all of the projects I have worked on over the years. All of the courses I have studied. All of the lovely clients I have worked with. All of the first-hand experience I have gained in my entire working career and running my own petite business. All of the places I have spoken at and delivered training, workshops and key note speeches to share my own wisdom. All of the positive results and outcomes I have helped my clients achieve.

This was quite a list. (Definitely worth a moment of your time to do this too!)

Because in that moment reading the words reflecting back at me from the pages and pages of notes it re-affirmed something that I desperately needed to know to pick me up and get me firmly back on track.

Something very powerful.

Something that re-ignited my self value and self worth.

I began to see that I have something extremely valuable to offer.

I know my onions.

I know my shizz.

I know my own blinkin’ value.

And I know when to say enough is enough.

It was time to let this one go and walk away.

So we parted ways agreeing it was for the best.

Not long after I received a phone call from the next service provider who had just been on the receiving end of his first ranty phone call. “Welcome to my world” I said and wished him enormous luck with his new project.

When you start seeing your worth, you find it harder to stay around those who don’t.

We are not just what we do by the hour, or day. We are not just our packages and services. We are not just our fancy job titles. We are so much more than this.

When our clients choose to work with us they are getting something incredibly valuable. Because we all come with an abundance of insights, invaluable knowledge, a history of lessons learnt, tried and tested experiments and plenty of successful outcomes. We know our onions.

There are things that are unique to us and only we know. Someone else may offer a similar service. May have a similar job title but they are not you.

We all have a valuable pot of wisdom and expertise that you cannot put a price on. Our pots are priceless.

And as well as outcomes and results, it’s these pots of wisdom that our clients really pay us for.

As a soulful petite business owner it’s likely you give far more than is expected of you. You probably always go way above and beyond your remit. You show up and do your best work over and over again. You love what you do and try to help and serve as many people as you can. You will take care of your clients because you care about them and your work. You over deliver and likely undercharge.

But Never lose sight of your true value.

Because if you know and consistently demonstrate your self value only then will you attract the ideal people towards you who see and feel your value too.

Sometimes we take projects and clients on and we’re not sure how things will play out. We take a chance and everything works out beautifully. And that’s great. We don’t have a crystal ball. However, what I am referring to here is when you know right from the outset something is not right, but choose to ignore the warning signs. That’s when you run in to tricky situations that become even trickier to get yourself out of.

We all have every right to say, thanks but no thanks!

Make a note of everything that’s in your pot of wisdom. Put it somewhere safe where you will see it.

So that if you ever forget your self value. It will serve as a very important reminder for you too.

We all face hurdles, challenges and sometimes tricky clients who give us brilliant opportunities for growth and transformation. And it is essential when you feel less than enough you have trusted people around you who not only have your back and support you with kindness and encouragement. They will openly remind you when circumstances are testing you to your limits of your magnificent pot of wisdom and incredible value.

Become A Priority In Your Life

On my entrepreneurial journey I have met many people who, like me once worked within a more corporate environment with “proper” jobs before they decided to run their own business.

Along with this “proper” job came corporate conditioning, which included set office working hours week in week out with little flexibility.

On the flip side when you work for yourself there is flexibility and many perks. You are your own boss. You get to decide how, when and where you work. You could have a duvet day and stay in your pyjamas if you wish. You could start early and finish early to get outside and make the most of the sunshine. You could go to a nice cafe to work. Or join in with a yoga class during the day. Or even spend some time with your loved ones and family on a jolly outing.

There are so many things you could do. But do you?

As in reality working for yourself means responsibilities. You may not take up the perks because there is too much work to do. If you don’t work, you don’t get paid. If you don’t continue to show up and keep the marketing momentum going where will your next client come from? If you don’t answer emails immediately will they just build up into an inbox overload? If you are not productive day in day out then what? Will everything grind to a halt?

Maybe. But one thing for sure is that this is the ideal way to burn out. 

It seems many petite business owners end up working longer hours, for less money than the corporate job and rarely feel able to switch off.

When I started out I had a Blackberry. Remember them? (Not the fruit).The social revolution was just getting going. My working hours tended to be along similar lines to my corporate job. And my Blackberry had an off switch. So during the evenings and at weekends I’d turn it off. That would be my working day done.

However it wasn’t long before the social boom truly arrived and the expectations and ease of being online pretty much all the time increased. And I realised the importance of the digital detox and being more selective on how I choose to spend my valuable time. So much so I was asked to share some more about the benefits of getting offline for our sanity and well being during an interview with BBC Radio Scotland along with a lovely chap from Google. 

Why the interviewer asked do you run a social media consultancy and yet are an advocate of digital detox’s? (*it was Susan Calman – she was in Strictly you know?!)

My answer was simple. Yes I loved social media and being online, and of course my business. However I’d learnt the hard way about the importance of time out. 

If I didn’t ensure from time to time I slowed down and tuned out, no one else would. I worked hard, felt passionate about my work and would often have my foot to the floor full steam ahead growing my business. But I couldn’t sustain this momentum for long before my brain was frazzled with too much information and I felt overwhelmed and anxious with all the doing and busyness.

Something had to shift.  I realised that if I was to carry on I needed to do things differently. Instead of pushing myself even harder, like so many of us do I began to notice the signs of when it was my time for a breather. I would plan ahead for time off and scheduled in social updates to keep up appearances if need be. And my lovely Mum monitored my emails for any client emergencies. 

When you are your business you have to put yourself and your well being right at the top of the priority list.

So I did. Following my time out and digital detox I always felt rested, recharged, reinvigorated and raring to go with my work on my return. My own digital detox would become a regular thing.

But then times changed.

Our smart phones got smarter. We’ve ended up more connected than ever. Now we can work and be accessible anytime, anywhere. Even if you are in what appears to be a remote place, off-grid you can pretty much guarantee there will be WiFi. And it will be faster than your home office.

Being connected 24/7 means we can run our petite businesses on the go. But our smart phones need special handling. We have to be strict about turning off notifications and removing the social apps. Because if we are not diligent we end up giving away a lot of our time, energy and focus every day to things that are not really a priority for us.

Emails arrive in our mailboxes any time of day or night. Social media is an addictive habit that’s becoming harder to break. There are so many distractions surrounding us online and off enticing us to give over our attention. We are encouraged to do this, read that, be better, go faster, quicker, more productive and do, do, do.

But we can say no. Not any more. 

If the first thing I do in the morning is grab my phone suddenly I am transported to another online dimension. Engrossed in other people’s lives. Whizzing through pretty or motivational images on Instagram. Scrolling down scanning the twitterings on Twitter. Popping over to my email boxes. Yes boxes, I currently have three. Wondering  what the weather will be like for the day and instead of looking outside just check out the app. Then of course I end up on Facebook. Just because. 

And I am still in my pyjamas and haven’t yet eaten my breakfast.

However, if I decide to get myself ready first it has a significant effect on my day.  I ease in to it. I can hear myself think about what is a priority in my world. I'll write a to do list for the day. I feel calm and focused. Productive. Ideas pop into my head. My day flows with more ease. I focus on one thing at a time. I’ll respond to emails once or twice a day. I enjoy being on social media for less time but  am able to keep up, connect and share. I feel more present in reality instead of being immersed in others virtual lives. There is more time in my day for me and my petite business. Everything feels so much better.

But it’s not just about whether or not we are online. The changes I needed to make included how I work. Before I thought it would be fabulous to have a virtual business so that I could really live the dream and work from anywhere. Back in the real world I soon learnt that I am a people person. I need to see human being’s face to face. I thrive seeing my clients in person and online. So my work and services changed to reflect this. 

And what about the work / life balance?

Is there such a thing? This is still a work in progress however now I don’t work Monday to Friday like the old days. Monday’s are for admin. Tuesday to Thursday are working days and for seeing clients. And as for Friday’s they are dedicated for domestic goddess duties and for me. And the phone is switched off during the evenings and at weekends. 

But it is still a challenge that I have to constantly work on. And I know what life was like before the internet and social media. Do you remember those days too?

Back in my teens and early twenties I lived and worked in France as a holiday rep. In those not so ancient times no one had a mobile phone.  We had to buy a phone card and use the phone box down the road if we wanted to call anyone. Very occasionally when I remembered I'd call home just so my parents knew I was still alive and I’d send and receive letters via the post. No emails. Proper handwritten letters.

No one knew what I was up to unless I told them. Thank goodness! We were on the cusp of learning about this new fandangled thing called the World Wide Web that was going to change everything. And yet this way of life has become a distant memory.

Become a priority in your own life

It no longer matters if you work in corporate or run your own business. Even if you’re the most productive person in the world everyone needs a little time and space to just be. To hit pause for a moment. Tune out. Reflect and enjoy the moment.

And ask am I living my best life?

Am I living and working how I intend to?

Am I a priority in my own life? 

Because if the answer is no you’re the only one who can do something about it.  

Take a look at the mentoring sessions they could be just the ticket for you to focus on you, your intentions, priorities and desires so that you grow, bloom and transform into everything you’re destined to be and more. 

One of my lovely clients said to me this week that as a result of us working together she is earning more money, has more time off  and is working less hours than she has ever done before. You can too.

“I believe in the ocean curing all bad moods.
I believe in the waves wiping away worries.
I believe in seashells bringing good luck.
I believe in toes in the ground grounding my soul.”

As for me soon we’ll be heading back to France for our long overdue holiday and Mr M announced he will not be checking his work emails whilst we are away. Neither will I. Everything can wait.

We will be en vacances and enjoying taking our time out.

Magnifique! 

And I won’t have to text him whilst we are sitting outside a cafe to ask that he puts down his phone and talks to his wife who is sat in front of him..... Happy days.

Be The Change You Wish To See

Several years ago I wrote a blog post about it being the ideal time for women to rise, that the world was beginning to wake up to a new way of being. I for one could clearly see women finding their voices once more to speak out about the things that truly matter and needed to change for life and business.

At the time I had absolutely no idea of just how my life was about to implode and as a result my own voice would be required to speak up too.

Earlier this year I had a conversation with a TV producer to see whether or not I would be willing to participate in a new documentary about highlighting the impact of miscarriage.

“Let us remember one book, one pen, one child and one teacher can change the world”

— Malala Yousafzai

When faced with an important decision to make I usually follow my yes, no or maybe gut instinct and in this case it was an immediate yes.

But I knew this was going to be tough. I am used to being in front of the camera. I can talk for England about topics I feel passionately about. I know how to use my social platform as a force for good as best I can. And yet being in front of the camera talking about the loss of our precious baby Grace Rose was going to be my biggest challenge and test me to my core.

Despite my vulnerability often the overwhelming desire to do whatever I can eventually kicks in. My mission for my life and soul-led work has become more transparent. I now say yes to using my voice to speak out about what I feel must change. I say yes to sharing my input and feedback on new campaigns to help raise awareness. I say yes to fully showing up and offering support to others who’ve lost their babies too. And I’ll continue to do all of this and more even though sometimes I’d prefer to hide away under a rock and stay quiet.

Grace changes everything

You see my biggest transformation since losing Grace is that as a result I am willing to step up and be the change I wish to see in the world. And so these days I often find myself totally out of my comfort zone agreeing to do things that would be easier for me to say no to. But if I do find my courage and say yes maybe, just maybe my input or action will help someone else in their time of need?

A week or so before our filming date, I had a change of heart. I asked myself if I really wanted to do this? Do I really want to share my story openly on camera? Wouldn't it be easier to let someone else share theirs instead?

Because when you’re talking about an emotive subject like losing your baby there is still stigma. I know people who haven’t experienced a loss like ours would prefer it if I said nothing, got on with it and kept quiet. As sharing what happened often makes them feel uncomfortable. Yes, try living through it!

And I for one feel very angry about this response because the tragedy is that one in four couples experiences a miscarriage. Often multiple times. This continues to happen all over the world every single day. Even in the modern 21st century people are still suffering often alone and in silence. It wasn’t until we lost Grace that we fully understood and experienced this too.

So I know and believe that what we really need is more kindness, compassion and support to help us come to terms with the loss and trauma we've experienced not to be silent because it makes others feel a little more comfortable.

I am committed to doing whatever I can. As long as the hard conversations continue, change will come and I am actively and passionately involved in this shift.

Talking it over with my husband helped me find my courage and the clarity I needed to participate. I agreed to go along and be interviewed and headed off to a nearby hotel to meet with Vanessa and the crew.

“The lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the obstacles in life and it’s suffering.
The mud speaks of the common ground that people share, no matter what our stations in life.
Whether we have it all, or have nothing we are all faced with the same obstacles sadness, loss, illness, dying and death. If we are to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one.”

— Goldie Hawn

There is plenty for me to say on miscarriage and grief as over the last couple of years since we lost Grace I have been writing my book and done a lot of research. As well as my own journey back towards  the light, I have been able to connect and make friends with many others who have experienced loss like us.

I know the power of collective voices when they come together and that all of our stories and babies matter.

The interview was tough going. Stirring up a lot of memories and emotions. More makeup was needed half way through but we got there in the end and I felt I had expressed exactly what I needed to. The documentary “The Silent Loss of Miscarriage” will air in the autumn.

Afterwards I felt completely emotionally drained so I headed home to spend some quiet time my husband. Reflecting and remembering my why and that I’d agreed to do this for Grace and us. As well as the other parents to-be who continue to suffer in silence. I hope and trust I have done my bit and us all proud.

Helping one person might not change the world. But it might change the world for one person.

One person cannot change the entire world but we can all do what we can.

I can talk about our story. I can share what helped me to grieve and heal. I can encourage others on where to go for the right support and advice. I can give my insights as to what I believe needs to change now and in the future. I will continue to help raise awareness. And I can be the change.

It's easy to sit back and believe someone else can speak up on our behalf. Someone else will make the necessary changes. Someone else will bravely share their story and that will be enough to see the change we wish to see.

But why not me? Why not you? Why should someone else do it on our behalf? 

Maybe you wonder whether or not you and you alone are able to make any impact?

Whether anyone else cares about what you have to say?

Whether or not anyone is interested and would listen?

The answer is always yes.

Somebody somewhere will always benefit. We can all go and hide under my rock if we choose to. But if something truly matters to you, you will choose to do something about it. You will do whatever you can. You will find a way forward.

Things are changing

And so as a result of our collective voices things are beginning to change for the better and gain momentum. People are now willing to have the tough conversations about all sorts of emotive subjects. We are learning about the benefits of opening up and sharing our stories. We understand more about the impact of loss on our emotional and mental health. We are seeing the positive impact of connection, community and support. And as a result people feel less isolated and alone.

So you see if you feel so strongly about something we can all be the change we wish to see in the world.

And recently the baby charity Tommy’s launched their new campaign Together for Change. This is another project that I’ve proudly contributed and given my input to. Maybe you know someone who needs to see this too?

If you are ready to be the change and give your inner voice some volume here's how we can work together to get your voice heard.

Climbing Up The Ladder Of Success

We all have different wants and needs for our lives and businesses and what we class as success varies from person to person.

Success may look like keeping up appearances online and becoming a “social influencer” with thousands of followers on social media. It may look like a diary chock-a-block with clients. It may look like hitting your sales targets and being a six-figure business. Or it may mean being interviewed on TV or for a well known magazine. These are all fabulous achievements.

But we don’t all desire the same things.

Success is an inside job

On my Instagram feed I noticed another post with  “Here are my top ten secrets for success” and decided to scroll on. Sometimes I am curious about others ideas of success. But these days not so much because I have learnt to figure out my own.

As when you pay more attention to others definition of success and ignore the whispers of your own inner guidance it’s likely you’ll end up with a petite business that looks great from the outside looking in. 

But it doesn’t feel so good to you. 

You don’t feel successful so you keep moving the goal posts. Striving for more. Searching for fulfillment in the wrong places. And wondering why others appear to be successful and you’re not?

I met with a business woman who had been running her bridal dress shop for twenty years. With her vast experience her petite business was a thriving success. Sales had grown and increased year on year and thanks to word of mouth referrals and her diligent care and attention new custom came in easily.

From the outside looking in everything looked rosy. With plenty of cash rolling in and bride after bride coming through the door this was an established solid business. You could say a total success.

And yet on the inside she was unhappy and unfulfilled. Out of sorts and no longer in alignment with her true calling.

The level of success she had achieved was something others could only dream about. But it was no longer enough to sustain her. She’d fallen out of love with her petite business. Everything had become easy, comfortable and predictable and she longed for change.

This is the perfect time for a transformation. 

What lies beneath?

We’d been talking for a while and during our conversation I gently started to dig deeper and asked if there was anything else she wanted to do with her life and work? What did she feel strongly about? Was there anything that kept coming back to her?

She paused for a moment before speaking and then lent in close and whispered

“Well, what I’d really love to do is become a specialist supplier of boudoir lingerie.

But what would people think of me? I know my family would be embarrassed. I am proud of my reputation so what if people don’t like me doing this?

What if this is not as successful as my bridal business? I know I’ll feel a failure and I don’t think I can take the risk and start all over again or replicate the level of success I’ve had.”

She’d already talked herself out of it and decided it was a non-starter. But the idea wouldn’t go away.

I could immediately see that this made perfect sense for her to become a specialist in boudoir lingerie especially when she explained more about why she felt compelled to do so. 

Eventually she stopped whispering and began to reel off how passionate she felt about empowering women to feel beautiful in their own skin. Fed up of seeing her clients coming in and feeling bad about themselves she wanted to help change their perception and encourage more self acceptance.

As it didn’t seem to matter how beautiful they were to others, when they did not believe they were enough. Standing in front of the mirror in a beautiful gown they wouldn’t focus on how amazing they looked or see their inner beauty. All they honed in on were their perceived imperfections reflecting back at them.

She was so fired up and said

"I want this to change and know I can help them feel amazing in their own skin and look their best every day, not just on their wedding day. This is what I really want to do. But how?"

“It’s impossible, said pride. It’s risky said experience. It’s pointless said reason.
Give it a try whispered the heart.”

And there it was. 

We discovered something very special. 

Her big why.

Immediately I could see the magic of what she’d just said aloud. Her entire being sparkled and lit up with enthusiasm right in front of my eyes.

Here is a woman with a mission.

Her mission isn't about the dresses or the underwear. It is about how women feel about themselves. This is her soul-led calling.

The obstacles preventing her from taking action and transforming were believing she had to specialise in one business, when she could blend the two. And owning her big why. When she believed in the power of her work, she would no longer give a stuff or place any importance on what people around her may think. She had a job to do.

It was so obvious to me that there was a huge opportunity waiting for her. Nothing too drastic. All she needed to do to move forwards was to become a specialist in bridal gowns AND boudoir lingerie.  Not one or the other. For now blend the two. And if she wanted to let go of the bridal business later she could.

By listening to and acting on what was in her heart and soul, she could be the change that so many women need. Couldn’t she?

Turning the can'ts into can's

All she needed to do was ease in gently, test the market and see what interest there was. Tentatively own her why. Take it slowly and gain more confidence.

And it seemed by listening to herself it wasn't long before the transformation was able to gain momentum for her, the petite business and her clients.

Her definition of success is measured by seeing her brides dressed in all their glory. Empowering them to look and feel fabulous means her soul led work is more fulfilling and satisfying. And continued to grow, bloom and transform with another new addition, boudoir photography. 

“When you create a difference in someone’s life, you not only impact their life. You impact everyone influenced by them throughout their entire life time.
Go create waves.”

Her reputation survived and her clients felt amazing in their bridal dress AND boudoir undies.

And along with their photo images they have a daily reminder, just in case they ever forget that they are more than enough and beautiful inside and out. 

I’d call this a success all round, wouldn’t you?

So before you begin scrambling up someone else’s ladder of success, do make sure it feels in alignment with you and is going to take you precisely to where you want to go.

Looking for some guidance and support so you can grow, bloom and transform?

Let's work together here's how.
 

There Is A Voice Within So I Write

There have been two constants that have sustained me throughout my life and are now entwined into my soul-led work and living brand. Writing and gardening. And yet it has taken a long time for me to recognise these two significant threads weaving their way in and out of my life and work since childhood.

Writing is my go to

Even if writing wasn’t within my existing job role or a need to for my business I know I will always continue to put pen to paper. Just because it's what I love to do. 

First and foremost I write for me. To articulate my thoughts and ideas. To process what I feel and see going on in the world around me and of course to share my stories.

Writing is like my therapy and it has seen me through some pretty dark days and back towards the light. You could say it’s a lifelong trusted friend that doesn’t speak out loud, but gently guides me forward to discover the answers I seek all from the words written on the page.

And now I can clearly see that my writing practice sustains all of me, in my day-to-day life and within my petite business. It isn't one or the other it is a blend of both.

Over the last few years I have worked on "Conscious Writing" a practice that typically starts with a meditation to slow everything down. For my writing practice this works brilliantly as I need peace and quiet to write. I cannot be in a busy cafe or have people around me. I cannot hear myself think if there is noise. Hence my office being referred to as my "Creative Cave". When I am in there I am not to be disturbed!

Following the meditation you're ready to tune in and listen to the voice within and clearly hear precisely what it is telling you and get it down on the page. You write what is there. Sometimes it can be a challenge to get it all down as it flows quickly. But usually writing this way means a few tweaks and then I am good to go. Rather than sitting at my desk and over thinking what to say.

I've also been fortunate to attend a workshop with Julia Cameron, author extraordinaire of the Artist Way and have diligently followed her guidance and advice ever since. 

With writing there can be a perception or belief that you’re not really a writer until you have a proper book deal from a publisher. Or until you see your printed book on the shelves in a book store. Or even until you’re a number one best seller on Amazon.

None of these things mean you are officially a writer

Let's put all of these beliefs to one side because if you decide to pick up your pen, write down your words in your notebook or type something on your screen you are a writer.

You don’t even have to share what you write with another person in order to claim the title. You just have to decide for yourself. I am a writer. I will write. 

I met someone recently who is about to graduate she has been studying for her English Literature degree and now is embarking on her new path as a bid writer. I said I also used to write bids and tender documents and I hated doing it at the time.

It didn’t feel at all creative. It felt stressful and mundane.

But putting together the bids was more significant than I ever could have realised at the time.

Not another boring question to answer....

Our bid team and I would traipse off to the board room (or should that be bored room!) for days on end locked away in front of a screen with me at the keyboard compiling our bid documents for big pitches. Bouncing around ideas, getting the words down and answering endless boring and repetitive questions. 

I wasn’t taken on to do bids, it wasn't officially my job and I distinctly recall my resistance to it. So much so another colleague and I had a to-do in the office about yet another bid that landed on my desk and was urgent. 

I’d had enough of endless bid documents and asked if someone else would do it?

He replied with “You’re the only one here in this office who can write. So let me know when it’s finished”?

Gah! Didn't he know I wasn't a writer and it wasn't part of my remit?!

Eventually I moved through the resistance

Writing became my friend, not foe.

Now I realise however much resistance I put up in doing the bid responses this enforced task was a thread, another significant step in my life that enabled me to practice writing something. I may not have enjoyed it at the time however it led me further along my writing path. 

When I left the bids and tenders behind I launched my first petite business with a blog. This meant I had to write something frequently and I would sit for hours writing and publish my posts. This was far more enjoyable and interesting and I could say whatever I wanted. Brilliant. More steps further down my writing path.

But I still didn’t consider for one moment that I was a writer. I just created blogs. With my own words. Maybe a blogger? Not yet officially a writer.

Even reflecting back on my childhood and school years I couldn’t recall excelling at anything in particular. I felt pretty average really. I know being sporty is still not my thing. I would get frustrated during my maths classes because why on earth do you need algebra in the real world?

But I loved to read. All the time. Roald Dahl and Enid Blyton were my childhood favourites. I also loved new notebooks and stationery. I still do. With sparkly pens and coloured pencils. And I even loved to scribble and write in them. Oh and funnily enough I still do this too. 

So a while ago when I was searching for my purpose and seeking answers about who I really am. I wondered what sustains me? What do I really love to do? What is the best form of self expression for me? 

It was challenging to say the least. Because it's hard to know yourself, sometimes you need outside helpers so I decided to ask my parents "Was there anything I enjoyed when at school, what did I love to do in my spare time?”

And they both said the same thing "You were always reading, writing and making up your own stories". I asked my sister. She said the same again. And added if someone was nasty they'd get written about in your stories. I might still do that......!

So this is how I discovered my writing thread. 

I dug out my old school reports to triple check this was true.  And there it was in black and white written on my school reports by my teachers "Melanie loves to write and tell her stories."

So I may have been rubbish at maths, not sporty at all, a bif iffy with science, but English Language and Literature well not so bad here. But I had forgotten all about my childhood pursuits because you do don't you? They remain buried and yet here was the significant thread. There all along, just waiting for me to rediscover it and acknowledge that yes I love to write.

Maybe now I will call myself a writer?

It has taken a long time for me to accept myself as a writer and to boldly claim this title. But now I will confidently state this within my bio's and elevator pitch. As I am more than one job title. And it is intentional that I bring all of me to my life, soul-led business and living brand, I want my tribe to feel like they know the real me and I will do so by writing and sharing here.

“You ask me why I spend my life writing? Do I find entertainment? Is it worthwhile? Above all does it pay? If not, then, is there a reason?
I write only because there is a voice within me.
That will not be stilled.

”

— Sylvia Plath

The signs and threads are there for us to see

It can be hard to recognise your own threads. Until they make themselves known loud and clear. They begin to gnaw away at you. You become restless. Agitated. Anxious. You know you’re meant to be doing something to sustain you, but what is it?

For me if I don't write I do feel a bit off. Antsy. Snappy. Like something is bugging me.

Ahh yes it's time for me to write. Because now I recognise the signs and hear the voice in my head that has something for me to say.

I cherish and nurture my writing thread and know I will continue to write until the end of my days. It sustains me in my entirety and is no longer about work or play it has become a combination of both. 

Our threads are unique and make us who we are. They create their own life long tapestry that enables us to eventually find clarity, purpose and meaning in our lives. Thread by thread.

And you can bring all of your threads together within your life and work too:

• Maybe yoga sustains you and you decide you want to teach others?

• Maybe you love looking after your skin and you decide you want to share this wisdom with others so you become a skin specialist for your work?

• Maybe you have learnt some important life lessons and you decide to create your petite business around sharing your own insights and knowledge to support others through this thing called life?

• Maybe you love to paint and instead of words your preference for your own self expression for life and your work is to share your own artistic creations?

The point is our threads are not all about just sustaining us OR our business.

They can when acknowledged and expressed, become what we are known for within our living brand AND sustain our entire being. Everything transforms for the better.

For me I know I intend to continue to show up with my words. Because there is a quiet voice within that has transformed my world so I will continue to write.

And as for the garden and beautiful flowers these remain another important thread and a story for another time.

Seeking more meaning and purpose in your life and soul-led work? Here's how we can work together.