She believed she could so she did

From a young age we are segmented into those who can and those who cannot. At our school we did the 12+ exam to see if we were clever enough to go to Grammar school. I wasn’t. Fortunately for me many of my circle of friends weren’t either. But it was one of those early life lessons where you begin to realise sometimes you are not enough. You don’t have the right skills or knowledge therefore you end up in the “Can’t Camp”.

Then as you approach adulthood everyone asks what do you want to do? I wasn’t really that fussed, I didn’t have a specific career planned out but I did quite fancy being an air stewardess. And I always wanted to travel.

Whilst having a bit of me-time at the hairdressers recently, my hairdresser and I began talking about our businesses and she shared how it can be a challenge to find decent, committed and reliable staff. Especially those willing to start at the bottom and do the mucky jobs in order to progress, learn and grow.

I told her that my very first job was as a Saturday Girl in a hair salon in the village where I grew up. I’d sweep hair up off the floor, washed people’s often dirty stinky hair, ran errands and even got down on my hands and knees to polish the brass pipes around the salon with Brasso. There is no doubt the owner got her monies worth out of me. I’d work every Saturday from 8am until 4pm. Go home for a little break and then start my next shift in the chip shop until 10pm.

I didn’t aspire to being a hairdresser or working in Mrs Chippy’s but I needed to earn some money and had to start somewhere. Like we all do.

One thing leads to another

“Finding yourself is not really how it works. You aren’t a ten dollar bill in last winter’s coat pocket.

You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid about the beliefs about who you are.

Finding yourself is actually returning to yourself. An un-learning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you. ”

— Emily McDowell

Eventually a new salon opened up in the village and they needed staff. As I had more experience under my belt I got a new job with a promotion. I was allowed to greet customers, answer the phone, book in appointments and process payments. As well as wash hair. Much to my delight there’d be no more cleaning.

Whilst working in the nice salon I studied travel and tourism at college, it was here I faced the first of many “career rejections”. I couldn’t be an air stewardess as I wasn’t tall enough.

Lo and behold another rejection quickly followed, my boyfriend and I split up, my life seemed over before it had really began. (It so wasn’t!)

I sought more change to get over my heartache and whilst looking for yet another job I came across an ad in the Evening Standard for holiday representatives to work in France. I wasn’t tall enough to be an air stewardess but maybe I could do this instead?

I applied, got invited to an assessment day at a hotel in Hammersmith and as I didn’t expect to get the job I went out with my mates the night before, got back late and seemed to be extremely hung over.

It was an intense day, a bit like an X-Factor audition with random group tasks as the panel watched and assessed us. Somehow I lasted the day and was offered a position. (They must have known I’d fit right in with my alcohol fumes!)

Which left me in a bit of dilemma? Should I stay or should I go?

My parents were concerned. We all had no idea what’d be getting into. Plus up until that point I’d led a pretty pampered life at home.

“Two weeks” said my Dad “I’ll give you two weeks and then you’ll be back home”.

For the first time in my life I believed I could do something else. So I packed up my belongings, took far too much stuff and headed off to France and my new life changing adventure began. My living quarters would be in a tent!

After two weeks I called home to confirm I would not be coming home. Yet.

I went on to live and work in France for several years and now my Dad will tell you “It was the making of her”. Yes indeed it was. Some may say character building.....

As the years passed eventually I returned and sought a “proper” job. The only issue was my lack of experience as I traipsed round the local recruitment agencies desperate for someone to give me chance. But it was rejection after rejection. Things had certainly progressed back home and it seemed everyone knew how to use Microsoft applications, how to type at speed, how to work out formulas and create tables in Excel and how to create whizzy slides in PowerPoint. Except me.

My self belief began to waiver. Maybe I was not up to this office job lark? Maybe I should stick with what I knew?

Fortunately my lovely Mum believed if given the chance I could work in an office. She did and she knew a lot of people locally including those in recruitment agencies. She made some calls and one lady agreed to see me.

I knew the significant importance of this appointment. I knew if I could get in front of them then maybe my gift of the gab would get me something decent?

This time I was not hung over. That definitely helped me appear more professional.

It appeared they believed in me.

Enough to give me a temporary role working as a receptionist. As I could answer the phone. I could take messages. I could open and sort the post and eventually I could learn how to transfer calls without cutting people off.

After a month or so something remarkable happened. They asked me to move into another role, in the data entry department. Where I learnt to type fast, really quickly.

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t you’re right. ”

— Henry Ford

Being away from the reception desk meant I had the opportunity to mingle and make friends with my colleagues. I helped them out when they needed something. I tried to be as helpful as possible and say yes to everything. If it would help me progress even further.

Then something even more remarkable happened. They asked me to move into the customer service team. With a much better role. More money. And training courses. Finally I had a big grown up proper job.

They believed in me too.

And my lovely Mum and I decided we both needed to know more about Microsoft and signed up for evening classes at the local college. Which meant more progress and knowledge.

Maybe now I needed to believe in myself?

We’ve all been told through-out our lives and careers by others what we can and can’t do.

Sometimes we get to decide.

Reflecting on my own path I realise every experience is still valid. Every challenge, set-back and rejection taught me something valuable about my own beliefs.

Now I ask myself when something comes up where does this belief come from?

Did I get to decide this or did someone else?

Whose voice is it telling me I can’t do something? Is it mine? Or someone else’s?

Sometimes I know the answers immediately. But sometimes I don’t. These are called subconscious limiting beliefs getting in the way. And I am not alone with these, working with my clients and chatting to other remarkable women in business we all have them. They may vary in type. Or we may have exactly the same. However it is a continuous work in progress to unearth why we believe what we believe, especially about ourselves and our own capabilities.

Because to outsiders you may appear calm and collected, but when asked to stand up and present at meetings you believe you cannot speak publicly. You believe you’re no good thanks to a teacher once embarrassing you for speaking out in front of your classmates.

You may not have received any encouragement whilst growing up and were repeatedly told you would get nowhere in life. Therefore you believe you don’t deserve to be successful with your petite business.

You may have been told off for “showing off and getting too big for your boots” when you achieved something. Therefore you believe it’s best not to speak out and share what you know on social media. Just in case someone calls you out again.

You may have been singled out for not fitting in or wearing the right clothes. Therefore you believe you can’t create your own videos or do Facebook Lives because you may not look or sound the part like everyone else.

If we have been told somewhere along the line that we are not good enough, cannot do something, don’t have the right skills, don’t look right or whatever it may be. It all stays with us. Filed away in the “Belief’s Bank”.

So it is a challenge to grow, bloom and transform until you unearth, rediscover and question precisely what YOU believe.

When someone says you can’t do it. Do it twice. And take pictures.

Of course there’s work to do, we have to dig deep find the roots and ask ourselves questions. Such as who am I really? Is this what I believe now? Am I ready to believe something else? And am I willing to believe in ME? Even if those around you don’t.

Looking back if I believed I had nothing to offer and listened to what I was once told I know I would never have ended up where I am now.

Most of the time I am pretty resilient, some may say stubborn. Whatever. Yes, I’ll take that.

But if someone tells me I cannot do something or underestimates my abilities, questions my integrity, wisdom or expertise I do not take this lying down. As now I know what I believe. Especially about myself.

I’ve done the inner work and continue to do so. I know myself better than anyone. I know where I have been and precisely what I am capable of and I also know we all have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone “out there”. Only to ourselves.

Now I believe it’s not so glamorous after all…

Every time I fly I look at the air stewardesses and remember that my friend was tall enough to became one. She worked incredibly long hours and through her eyes it changed my perception. I learned it wasn’t quite as exciting or as glamorous as I once believed. Being a holiday rep suited me so much better. Especially when I believed I could do this instead. And just for the record, now I am totally tee-total!

So if you need support and encouragement to figure out precisely what it is you believe and turn your can’ts into Oh Yes You Can’s we can work together.

The Value Of Knowing Your Worth

Have you ever found yourself working with someone who you knew was far from your dream client? But you agreed to work them even though your inner voice was strongly advising you to say no.

Or what about finding yourself in a coffee shop having yet another “pick your brain” session giving away your free guidance and advice? But you know this person isn’t willing to pay the price for a 1-1 session to work with you instead.

Or maybe you’ve given away plentiful discounts and freebies to try to convince your new client that you are worth every penny? But ended up not earning enough and struggling to pay your bills.

I’ve found myself in these situations too.

Because there are many lessons to learn when you are a soulful petite business owner. One of them is knowing the value of your worth.

When you know your worth life becomes a lot easier. You find and connect with your dream clients with ease and flow. You are able to do your best work with confidence and conviction. You love your work and serve with joy. Knowing your worth is transformational for you and your business. You believe in yourself and have unwavering belief in the value you provide.

But doing the inner work is a continuous work in progress. Something we repeatedly have to pay attention to. This requires ongoing maintenance. You have to be vigilant. As sometimes we lose sight of our self value and it trips us up.

We may find ourselves saying yes. When we really mean no.

We may quickly sign on the dotted line. When we really need to read the small print.

We may willingly give away our power to others. When we really need to remember the importance of owning it instead.

As well as the inner work we have to be able to find ways to cope with the uncertainty. You rarely know where the next client will come from. So you could end up saying yes to everything that comes you way just in case this is your last one for a while.

Which means there will be times when you find yourself saying yes to potential clients who you know from the outset are the not the right fit. You know you are not in synergy. You’re definitely not on the same page. But you take on the work anyway. Your logical brain has found the way to trample all over your inner guidance.

As for me, I trust my inner radar. Most of the time. My radar is pretty good at looking after me and susses people out so that I know whether or not we are an ideal fit. Usually I take on new projects and clients based on feeling and instinct. If it feels good then I go for it. And if it doesn’t I’ll consider why not.

This approach has served me well. I have had the pleasure of working with some amazing soulful entrepreneurs over the years who I have thoroughly enjoyed working with and I hope they feel the same way too.

But sometimes despite all inner warnings These messages are ignored.

We don’t follow our instincts. And there are always consequences to follow.

Not so long ago I found myself working with a petite business who I knew from the outset was not an ideal fit. We were initially their clients as they did some work for us in our home. So being on the “receiving” end and me being their ideal client I knew how to market their business online and off.

My instincts were telling me to pass this one by. But I didn’t. Simply because it was a lucrative project that would tide me over financially for several months.

I knew I could help them and it had the potential to work out brilliantly. However, they were totally hands off and initially wanted me to just get on with the project on their behalf. This is not normally something I would agree to. But once again I carried on.

Maybe my instincts were wrong this time?

Maybe I could just do my best work and get through it unscathed?

So we ploughed ahead. I explained precisely what I do and how, and I was clear about what was included and what wasn’t. Everything was written down beautifully within the contract and terms and conditions.

They didn’t quibble about the price. Signed the agreement without reading it properly. Paid the money upfront and were keen for the work to begin as soon as.

Wonderful. A new client and big project woo hoo!

Except I could not shake the anxiety. Something had rattled me.

But I continued to make a start. Tried to keep everything on track. Provided regular detailed updates. Worked on managing their expectations. Made some great progress.

And as the weeks passed by it seemed no matter what progress was made. It wasn’t enough. They wanted something else. Something that was not on offer within my services. Which I did discuss at the outset. Maybe they hoped I would magically change my entire business model and offer what they really wanted all along?

Slowly my self-confidence and self-value began to slide. Chip away. The seeds of doubt growing in my mind. This was not working for any of us.

I knew my inner guidance had not failed me. The warnings were bang on. Because it wasn’t long before things took another turn for the worse. I’d find myself on the end of ranty phone calls. Receive stroppy emails in my inbox. Demanding to know exactly what they were paying me for?

If only they’d read the contract and taken a proper look at my website.

If only I’d trusted my instincts and said no, I don’t believe my services are what you’re really looking for.

Things would have worked out very differently, wouldn’t they? Hindsight is a wonderful thing. So is our intuition.

Don’t let someone who doesn’t know your value tell you how much your worth.

“Just because someone else doesn’t recognise or respect your value, does not mean you are worthy. Does not mean you are less than. Does not mean you and your wisdom and expertise are not enough.
You are great. You are good enough. More than enough. And you deserve to work with and serve the best. ”

— Melanie Mackie

Fortunately for me I had done enough work on my own self value to know that this was not going to continue. Clearly they needed to find an alternative service provider who did offer them what they really were looking for. And one who was willing to accept ranty phone calls and stroppy emails. Because I wasn’t.

I am not a pushover by any means. I don’t suffer fools. I do not take kindly to being berated. This is not something I will tolerate. I am not a soft touch and will stand my ground. Regardless, this was a tough lesson to navigate. And one I was very happy to let go of money or no money.

(Eventually it came to light, I discovered I was one of many “marketing” businesses who were never enough!)

I began to consider what am I paid for? So I grabbed my notebook.

I started to jot down all of the projects I have worked on over the years. All of the courses I have studied. All of the lovely clients I have worked with. All of the first-hand experience I have gained in my entire working career and running my own petite business. All of the places I have spoken at and delivered training, workshops and key note speeches to share my own wisdom. All of the positive results and outcomes I have helped my clients achieve.

This was quite a list. (Definitely worth a moment of your time to do this too!)

Because in that moment reading the words reflecting back at me from the pages and pages of notes it re-affirmed something that I desperately needed to know to pick me up and get me firmly back on track.

Something very powerful.

Something that re-ignited my self value and self worth.

I began to see that I have something extremely valuable to offer.

I know my onions.

I know my shizz.

I know my own blinkin’ value.

And I know when to say enough is enough.

It was time to let this one go and walk away.

So we parted ways agreeing it was for the best.

Not long after I received a phone call from the next service provider who had just been on the receiving end of his first ranty phone call. “Welcome to my world” I said and wished him enormous luck with his new project.

When you start seeing your worth, you find it harder to stay around those who don’t.

We are not just what we do by the hour, or day. We are not just our packages and services. We are not just our fancy job titles. We are so much more than this.

When our clients choose to work with us they are getting something incredibly valuable. Because we all come with an abundance of insights, invaluable knowledge, a history of lessons learnt, tried and tested experiments and plenty of successful outcomes. We know our onions.

There are things that are unique to us and only we know. Someone else may offer a similar service. May have a similar job title but they are not you.

We all have a valuable pot of wisdom and expertise that you cannot put a price on. Our pots are priceless.

And as well as outcomes and results, it’s these pots of wisdom that our clients really pay us for.

As a soulful petite business owner it’s likely you give far more than is expected of you. You probably always go way above and beyond your remit. You show up and do your best work over and over again. You love what you do and try to help and serve as many people as you can. You will take care of your clients because you care about them and your work. You over deliver and likely undercharge.

But Never lose sight of your true value.

Because if you know and consistently demonstrate your self value only then will you attract the ideal people towards you who see and feel your value too.

Sometimes we take projects and clients on and we’re not sure how things will play out. We take a chance and everything works out beautifully. And that’s great. We don’t have a crystal ball. However, what I am referring to here is when you know right from the outset something is not right, but choose to ignore the warning signs. That’s when you run in to tricky situations that become even trickier to get yourself out of.

We all have every right to say, thanks but no thanks!

Make a note of everything that’s in your pot of wisdom. Put it somewhere safe where you will see it.

So that if you ever forget your self value. It will serve as a very important reminder for you too.

We all face hurdles, challenges and sometimes tricky clients who give us brilliant opportunities for growth and transformation. And it is essential when you feel less than enough you have trusted people around you who not only have your back and support you with kindness and encouragement. They will openly remind you when circumstances are testing you to your limits of your magnificent pot of wisdom and incredible value.