Society Says Yes Be Yourself. Just Not Like That.

Show and up and be yourself. Be authentic and speak your truth. As this is the only way to find and connect with your people. Except this is tricky when you’re not sure what your truth is. Who your people are. And where to find them.

No two people are the same. We experience life and business differently. We may agree on some things and not on others. We have different beliefs and values. And people will think nothing of telling you that they think you’re wrong if they don’t agree with you, especially on social media.

So it can put you off “speaking your truth”. You may retreat back to where it is safe and comfortable and just blend in with everyone else. Not choose to upset the apple cart. Say nothing just in case someone no longer likes you or wants to be in your social gang.

But we won’t change and improve the world if we retreat. Will we?

Some people will only love you if you fit into their box. Don’t be afraid to disappoint.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others.
Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others approval.
Because one accepts oneself, the world accepts him or her.”

— Lao Tzu

As soulful petite business owners it is not our job to try and convince others to go along with our way of thinking or being. It is also unrealistic to try to appeal or appease everyone. We have to find a way to keep ourselves centred. On message. And develop the ability to powerfully continue with our mission whilst navigating the naysayers.

If we want to be the change our job is to lead with our own wisdom. To share our own stories. To talk about the world as we see it. It may resonate with some and not with others. And this is all OK.

The best thing about speaking the truth is you don’t have to remember what you said.

As when you come from a place of clarity, confidence and conviction impostor syndrome dissipates. You don’t need external validation to approve of your truth. You feel comfortable in your own skin. Solid. Rooted and grounded. Unapologetically show up in your entirety. You naturally gravitate towards your people. And they miraculously find you. But in order to achieve this it definitely helps to do the inner work on knowing who you really are and what you stand for first.

Here’s a tale of two tribes One has suits

Not so long ago I was asked to be a speaker at two different networking meetings on the same day. The first one was a breakfast meeting. I don’t usually do these kind of meetings, as there is typically only one 6.30 in my day.

I had suspected the attendees were not likely to be my kind of people but I’d agreed to go along as a speaker as a friend had asked me to. I walked into the room and my audience were men in suits and various traders. Instantly I knew I had made a mistake. These people were not my people.

It came to my turn to speak and I stood up and began to talk. I was just warming up and in my flow when one of the group facilitators decided my time was up. She thanked me for my talk. But I hadn’t finished and the other facilitator was clearly embarrassed and encouraged me to continue. I wondered was it going that badly?

I laughed off the interruption, fortunately so did the other attendees. But inside I was mortified. If ever there was a time I’d wished I’d said no thanks for the opportunity and stayed in bed this was it.

The irony being they had asked me to come along to share my wisdom about connecting. Relationship building. Finding our tribes. My goodness I could see they weren’t mine.

I tried to regain some composure and wondered where was I as I’d completely lost my train of thought?

Indeed where was I and more to the point what was I doing here with these people? As it transpired I seemed to be speaking a foreign language, talking about things they clearly did not understand and all I could see was a group of men in suits staring blankly back at me.

There was absolutely no synergy between us. At all.

Have you ever felt like you’re in the wrong room with the wrong people?

You begin to shrink. To squirm. Dim your light. Play it small. Wish you were anywhere else but where you are in that moment.

And then the self doubt kicks in, you think maybe you really don’t have anything valuable to share. Because if you did surely these men in suits would not be staring at you in this way.

Eventually I wrapped up and took my seat. In what felt like an eternity the meeting came to an end. Finally I escaped and I couldn’t get out of there quick enough. I made a pledge to myself never to agree to speaking at a networking meeting like this again. Never. Ever.

As much as I’d have loved to go home and crawl under my duvet, especially as it was still blinking early, I couldn’t. I had to get myself together as I had another meeting to get to. Where I would be the key note speaker.

Accept both compliments and criticism. It takes both sun and rain for a flower to grow.

As I drove to the next venue, I tried to reconcile what had happened. Did I get it wrong? Was it something I said? My confidence had taken a battering and I no longer felt up to speaking. To anyone.

It is not easy to show up and be who you are is it? It is tricky to share your truth. It takes courage to stand up and state what you believe in, teach what you know and talk about how you see the world with others. They may not agree. They may not get you. They may not even like you at all. And this can be catastrophic. Disastrous even. As you may decide that you’re not cut out for this speaking lark and never “speak your truth” with anyone else again.

I made it to my next meeting. There were no men in suits. This group was all women. Lovely ladies. Ladies who in an instant made me feel very welcome and at ease. Things felt better immediately. I knew I was in the right room. I’d found my people. And what a different vibe this was.

In less than two hours I’d found myself back on my feet doing my thing, sharing my insights and wisdom with a group of receptive people. There were no blank faces staring at me. They asked questions. They were engaged. Interested. Keen to know more. There was a vibrant energy in the room. We were all buzzing. Even me. They were a lovely, lively group. I loved being with them. I felt so grateful that I’d said yes to this gig. Because in that moment I was back in my flow. My mojo and self-belief was restored.

I was back doing what I love best, sharing my “truth” and being me. Thank goodness for them. Because if I hadn’t had to show up at the second meeting I may never have spoken at another event again.

I don’t have anything against the men in suits. Or men at all in fact.

However, I have a pretty good idea of who my tribe is. When I consider my ideal client, I rarely consider demographics, job titles or business types. It’s about the person. The woman within. The one who when we speak something resonates and clicks between us. There is synergy. A spark. The connection. And this is what I spoke about at both events. It just seems the women I spoke to understood and got it immediately whereas the men in suits clearly didn’t.

The reality is before we attempt to speak our truth, we have to get to know ourselves better. Do the inner work. Learn more about ourselves. Who we really are. What we believe in and value. Only then can we show up with clarity, courage and conviction.

And if others don’t like us or what we have to say, we know it doesn’t really matter. It isn’t going to detract us from our mission and purpose. Because we have a job to do. And we’re committed, all in and unapologetically doing our thing. Regardless of whether we are liked or not.

Time to shake up the old school networking?

Recently whilst attending another networking meeting, I had a conversation with a lovely man. In a suit. He asked me about my work and invited me along to another group that he facilitated. There would be more men in suits. More corporate businessey types. Old school networkers. Predominately over the age of 50. Definitely not my kind of tribe. I could feel a big fat no coming on.

I politely declined. I’d been here before hadn’t I?

So I told him that I know who my tribe is and it’s unlikely I would resonate with his group. There is a place for everything isn’t there and I know this place isn’t mine.

He persisted and said “Please do come along, you’re a breath of fresh air and we need more people just like you to shake things up a bit and change how we network”.

Maybe I’ll consider it.

But only if they make a start by ditching the suits.............

Tune in to your truth. Live it. Breathe it. Beam it. Want to learn how let’s work together

The Conversation That Speaks From Soul To Soul

I often find myself out and about having seemingly random conversations with strangers. People will stop me in the street and ask for directions. They’ll ask me where to find something in a shop. They’ll stop and chat as they go for a walk with their dogs whilst I tidy the front garden.

Someone will make conversation on the Tube in London. Where the typical etiquette is not to make eye contact, let alone utter a word to another human being.

I’ve even flown back from Bordeaux to London and spent the entire flight having a fascinating chat, putting the world to rights with a lovely woman sitting next to me. Who apologised to my husband for keeping me talking. (He was fine with it as it gave him some peace for an hour or so.)

At networking meetings I tend to meet the people I am meant to meet. Magically we seem to gravitate towards like minded people. So conversations flow easily. Most of the time we aren’t even talking about business. We are getting to know each other better and choose to meet up again afterwards as we’ve run out of time and there’s more to discuss.

And now I see there is another thread throughout my life, I am a confidante. People tell me their inner most thoughts which means I am a trusted keeper of stories and secrets. I don’t ask them to share. It just happens. And these days more frequently.

Random conversations are powerful. Especially the heartfelt ones.

But the conversation isn’t always about others needing to offload. Sometimes someone I meet will share a nugget of wisdom that is precisely what I need to hear in the moment. They gift me an insight. A piece of wisdom. Share necessary guidance. Reaffirm something. They tell me something important that I need to hear so I know I am on the right track.

For some time I had been deliberating whether or not to create my own group for women. My idea had bubbled away for several years. It was about connection. Deeper conversation. Honesty. Encouragement. Collective growth. For women.

“There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you.
And there are others who will understand you without you speaking a word”

I held the vision of me standing in an unknown place, and one by one women would step forward and stand alongside me. We’d be collectively together.

This vision became a frequent visitor.

And yet, there were plenty of reasons why I didn’t pursue it further at the time. The concept wasn’t quite there. I struggled to find the right venue. I couldn’t fully articulate my ideas. I didn’t want to write a typical sales page. I had too much going on at home. And who would be interested anyway?

But still, I continued to wonder if other women out there were seeing and feeling what I was?

Did they see that even in this day and age women were still being overlooked?

Could they sense that something was beginning to shift?

That women were finding their their voices and were courageously beginning to speak out about the things that truly mattered?

Did they feel as strongly as I do about the women out there who have powerful gifts and valuable insights to share who are being ridiculed, ignored and suppressed?

I wasn’t so sure. So my frustration and the idea remained just that, an idea.

Last year an unexpected but significant conversation occurred in my local supermarket.

Unbeknownst to me I was about to meet someone very special in my local supermarket and have a conversation that would change how I went about my work and business.

Whilst standing in the queue an elderly man on a mobility scooter was in front of me. He paid for his shopping and made off to leave but accidentally hit the power on his scooter too hard. He ended up crashing into a bench located on the other side of the aisle.

We all laughed. (He was OK I really don’t just go around laughing at the misdemeanors of elderly men on their scooters!).

And the lovely check out lady said “You can have my L plates, as I have just passed my driving test”.

We laughed some more and fortunately he made it out of the shop unscathed.

I began to pack my shopping and said to her how brilliant it was that she’d passed her driving test and freedom beckoned.

Suddenly the conversation took a more serious tone.

She looked up at me and said “If only”.

With tears in her eyes she shared that she had spent the last eight years trying to learn how to drive. Now that she had passed her husband wouldn’t allow her to use the car. He didn’t want her to drive herself anywhere without him. He had to know exactly what she was doing and with whom at all times.

She went on to explain that in her culture you do not disobey your husband.

And yet here she was in a country surrounded by women with opportunities and their freedom. Why couldn’t she have the same?

In that moment I saw her. Really saw her. I could immediately sense what she was not saying aloud.

Something profound passed between us.

She continued to say that since moving to the UK she was more unhappy than she’d ever been. Because her freedom had been taken away. Before she moved here and married her husband she was free. And now she wasn’t.

This was not the life her mother had intended for her and she had decided it was too late to change. But she would do everything in her power to ensure her young daughter’s life would be very different than her own.

I nodded. I heard her. I understood. I felt her pain and anguish. And I wished her life was different too.

She asked me what I do. So I told her that I am fortunate to have my freedom. That I am able to work with brilliant women who have theirs too. Some have their own businesses. Many are on a powerful mission. Or they may use their voice to share their stories. Or they may even want to do something more meaningful but are not sure how. So I help them. To be the change that many of us desperately wish to see in our lifetime.

And what she said next has stayed with me ever since.

She told me that I must do everything I can to help the women around me. To embrace my freedom. To speak up on her behalf. To do what I can for those who for whatever reason cannot.

I promised her I would.

And I also told her that it is never too late for her to change her life for the better. She deserved to be happy. And she was just as entitled to her freedom, like me.

I left the shop and drove home with a heavy heart and tears. Because how could this still be happening to women in our lifetime?

But the sad truth is it is. And a lot more.

So I knew it was time for me to follow her advice. She had given me a powerful insight. I’d met her for a reason. And every time I go into the supermarket I look for her. But I have never seen her since.

If ever I needed a sign or a nudge or a monumental kick up the arse from the Universe. The powers that be. Whatever you choose to call it. THIS was it.

Instinctively I knew what I had to do. I had to get out of my own way and trust and believe that what I saw and felt, others did too. It was time for this idea of mine to become a reality.

So I created and launched the Social Collective.

The Social Collective came together following this heartfelt conversation with a brave woman who trusted me enough to tell me her story.

I am eternally grateful to her. And if I see her again, which I hope I do, I will tell her that because of her all of us within the Collective have since gone on to transform ourselves, our lives and our businesses. Who knows this domino effect may have transformed those around us and our tribes too?

I consciously created the Social Collective for women. Soulful women. Women on a mission. Women who know they are capable of more. Women who have their freedom of speech. Women who know they have something important to share. Women who want to serve. Women who want to empower others. Women who have something important to do. Women who are brave, courageous and sometimes afraid. Women who are willing to be vulnerable and share their stories in order to help others in their time of need. Women who are willing to readdress the balance between the masculine and feminine. Women who say we’ve had enough of being ignored, overlooked, suppressed and belittled. Women who are simply the change.

Why did I create it?

Because I can.

And I promised her I would. For her and her daughter. For me and for my beloved Grace. For my beautiful nieces. For all the women who are willing to be the change. And even more so for those around us who cannot be.

It’s for all of us.

Because things HAVE to change. Don’t they?

The Dalai Lama said that the world will be saved by the Western Woman.

I now realise this is not because we are the only ones with insightful wisdom or magical feminine powers. It’s because we may have more freedom than others.

We have the tools ready and waiting at our disposal. We can express our voices to speak our truth. We are stepping forward and rising so others can see and hear us.

But we have to choose. Are we in or out?

There are many reasons why I choose to work with soulful women. I will share more of my why’s another time.

But it is my intention to do whatever it takes to change the world for the women I meet and work with. I can show others how to leverage the internet and social media to raise awareness of a meaningful campaign. I can demonstrate and teach how to create and market a petite business that comes from the heart. I will continue to use my voice to tell stories that speak the truth. And I know and wholeheartedly believe that the time is now for us wonderful women to lead with our wisdom.

So this is just some of the work we do within the Social Collective.

“A circle of women may just be the most powerful force known to humanity. If you have one embrace it. If you need one, seek it. If you find one for the love of all that is good and holy, dive in. Hold on. Love it up.
Get naked. Let them see you. Let them hold you. Let your reluctant tears fall. Let yourself rise and love gentle. You will be changed. The very fabric of your being will be altered by this. If you allow it.
Please, please allow it. ”

— Jeanette LeBlanc

With all of my work we focus on you. The real woman within. We get re-acquainted and reconnect with her to understand what she is really here to do. And why.

So that’s you in your entirety. Not just your business. Not just you personally. Everything. Because you are the driving force. Without YOU nothing happens. Nothing changes.

And change and transformation is long overdue.

The Dad Driving School!

Saudi Arabia was the only country left in the world where women were not allowed to drive. That began to change in June 2018.

I relish my freedom and I was fortunate that my Dad taught me how to drive as soon as I could at 17. And he taught my Mum. And my sister. Because he wanted us to be independent and have our freedom.

Every weekend we’d head out in my Mum’s car. Me at the wheel driving up and down the hills. Practicing. They’d be cursing. Much telling off. Words of encouragement. A few near scrapes. However he persisted. With all of us. Until we passed.

He may have needed a stiff drink or several when we got home.

My Dad also taught my Great Auntie May who at the age of 63 sadly lost her husband. He left behind his car and so that she could have her freedom and retain some independence she decided rather than sell it she would learn to drive. So she did. This was in the 1970’s.

During the recent summer holidays my Mum and I took my niece Boo to see Mumma Mia at their local cinema. My Dad drove us into the nearby town where they live. On the way there we told Boo that this is where Grandad taught Nanny, Mummy and me to drive.

She asked me “Why did Grandad teach you?”

“Well” I said “He did this so we could be independent and have our freedom.”

And I will do everything in my power to ensure she has hers too.

It's Not About Who You Know. It's About Who Knows You?

An exciting thing happened my new business cards arrived. Woo Hoo. I promptly gave them out to my family members and put the rest back in the box.

But what use are my new business cards if they are sitting in a pretty flowery holder on my desk? How will people know all about what’s on offer if I don’t tell them or give them my card? 

I realised it’s time to start “networking” again.

But I was undecided and dithering on where to go. I wanted to find groups more local to me instead of travelling in and out of Central London.

Since we moved it’s fair to say I haven’t been out much. Networking that is. After all we’ve got the house to renovate, the garden to maintain, washing to do and endless domestic goddess duties to carry out let alone finding the time or making the effort to go to networking meetings. 

And with me percolating on my new venture I didn’t feel comfortable heading out trying to promote and market my old services which weren’t really in my heart anymore. So I didn’t, I stayed at home and pulled up some more weeds from the garden.

However, I have enough experience under my belt to know that me sitting at home with my new business cards and shiny new website is unlikely to bring an abundance of new connections or clients. Well it might, but I could be waiting a while couldn’t I?

So I took the plunge, did my research and found some local groups near me to try out. I called the organiser of one group to confirm my attendance which meant I could not opt out as I said I’d be there. There is nothing like a commitment to another to ensure you show up.

And true to my word I changed out of my comfy jeans and flip-flops, put my glad rags on, blow dried my hair and headed out-out.

I felt pretty nervous before hand, I kind of knew what to expect but felt ever so rusty. And as for a 45 second elevator pitch, oh man I hadn’t done one of those for a long time. But I stood up said my piece with a smile on my face and sat back down again. Phew. Done.

There was absolutely no need for me to worry, I had a lovely time meeting and talking to some new people, getting to know them and sharing more about me and what I do. Plus I like to talk which really isn’t a surprise as if you have met me in person you’ll know I do like a good natter. 

Over the years I have had a lot of experience of attending all sorts of meetings and even hosting my own. But still, it feels daunting when you go somewhere new, a little bit like starting a new school all over again doesn’t it?

Here’s the thing about “networking” most petite business owners dread it. 

Because we know we have to be on our best behaviour with our sales face on and go in and make an impact and be memorable. With a refined and magical elevator pitch that describes who we are and what we do so everyone else knows precisely what we’re all about so they can tell others about us and all of this has to be said in no more than a minute. That’s a challenge in itself.

But it’s not the words that come out of our mouths that makes the biggest impact. It’s simply who we are as people.

Is there a spark or a connection with someone else?

Do they feel like they want to get to know you better? As you could offer a similar service to someone else but people will naturally be drawn to someone they gel with. 

What about you, who do you resonate with? Is there someone you feel you must talk to?

The belief is you have to go networking because that’s where your clients are waiting for you.

But it doesn’t always work like that does it? 

Because the other attendees are there to find their new clients too.

They are not intentionally going to networking meetings to find you. 

They are more likely to be thinking about whether or not the people will be nice and welcoming?

Their minds may be buzzing with questions on whether or not they have to eat lunch and talk at the same time? What to say? Should they have brought more business cards? Definitely that they should have worn their other shoes. And not forgetting how on earth they are going to tell others all about them and their petite business in less than a minute?

You know the similar mind chatter that you and I may have too.

But what if we all approached "networking" with the mind set of just being present and open to who we may meet. With absolutely no big expectations of finding our next client within the room. Our task is to be focused on giving others the opportunity to get to know us better and we get to know them. 

And it always helps to have an intention of why you're going in the first place? Are you looking for good contacts? Do you need someone to test something out? Do you simply like me want to make friends with people nearby? As I realised that I talk to my neighbours and the people in the shops here always love to chat. But they are not friends. So for me my intention is two fold. To meet some new local people who may become friends as well as meet new people who may be interested in working with me in the future. I know why I am going.

This approach changes everything. It takes the pressure off. We can enjoy ourselves. Be ourselves, natural, relaxed and more engaging. Have fun. Enjoy our lunch even. With no ulterior motive what-so-ever. 

As you never know who is going to be in the room. They may not look like your kind of people but maybe they are? Or maybe someone they know is ideal for you. This is when the magic happens. It may not be instant. It may take some time. A long time even. I once had a new client following an event I did five years previously. Hopefully you won't have to wait that long!

But the point is when you show up, you've already taken a step forward and the seeds have been planted. You have to trust they will grow. Some will flourish. Some will not. That's the reality isn't it? 

Life finds a way of bringing the right people together. 

The saying goes "it’s not what you know it’s who you know" and this is so true when it comes to business and referrals.

But I believe more importantly it’s not just who you know.

It’s who knows you?

When people really know you. And I don't just mean your job title and elevator pitch. If they feel they know the real you, understand what you're all about and whether or not you can help them only then will they decide to be your next client. 

They may not want to make a decision yet. And are happy to become a member of your tribe so you can establish more of a relationship first.

Or they may not want or need what you offer but they know others that do.

And this is what definitely works about "networking" and why we torture......I mean enjoy ourselves in being brave and going along. But I prefer to call it "connecting".

“Let go of yourself. Because I want a conversation that speaks from soul to soul.”

— Sana A Rashid

As for me “connecting” remains very high on my agenda in the weeks ahead and so far I’ve made some lovely new human connections, was also gifted with recommendations of other new groups to try out locally, (which I will!) I've been invited out for a cup of tea and a chat and someone expressed an interest in joining the Social Collective. All great results.

So the thought of going was far worse than the actual doing. It really wasn’t so bad after all, progress was made and I know I’ll be going back again.

Just need to order some more business cards.

Are you looking for a different kind of group to help you grow, bloom and transform?

Take a look at the Social Collective.